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Nine Questions That Changed My Life

What readers familiar with my story may remember, is the tipping point I reached in order to turn my back on unhealthy eating, living, and the overweight that came as a result, was a Tony Robbins book.  As you can read in this post HERE, I had stumbled upon the book quite by accident, opened to a page most randomly, became captivated by a writing exercise within it, and basically changed the course of my life on the very spot.

The kicker is that I left the book on the desk in the library, not even checking it out or reading any farther than that one exercise in the middle of the book!

Now, I am not one to believe in accidents of fate.  I know I was guided to the info I needed the moment I was ready for it.  Once the message had been delivered and received, I guess I had no need of the actual messenger.

To tell you the truth I actually began to wonder if that entire day hadn’t been some sort of dream?  I mean, if the book had been that important, how could I not remember what it was?

Recently however, as I faced a similar challenge in my life, I began wondering about the magic of that day.  If I found the book and re-did the exercise, could I get as wonderful a result as I did that day back in 2001?  I decided I would find the book and try!  Unfortunately for me, Tony has been prolific with his writing and it was seemingly impossible for me to choose THE BOOK from the dozens he has written.

So, doing as I had on that fateful day, I went “eeny-meeny” and asked a power greater than myself to guide me to “miney-mo”.

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 I found it on the very first try.

(Skeptics among you are certain my subconscious remembered the title or the cover even though I didn’t think I had.  That’s fine too).

And now, with the book in my possession, I understand that the entire lengthy and jam-packed tome is a life changer.  No wonder this guy is famous!  Wow!

The exercise that launched me on an altered course is tucked right in the middle of all this amazing content.  Although it is not exactly as I had remembered it, it’s still powerful and profound.  I have been sharing it with my clients, but today wanted to share it with all of you as a New Year’s present.

This is not an exercise to be read passively.  You must take out pen and paper and write, write, write!  What better way to begin a new year than with some soul searching?  So get your writing tools and I will wait here until you get back…

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You’re back?  OK, the actual exercise is an entire chapter of the book, so here I am going to paraphrase a bit.  Basically, the set up is to spend some time imagining what you would do in life if you knew you couldn’t fail.  Then, after you have fantasized a bit, with that wide open, happy, frame of mind, answer the following questions.  Write freely without thought to grammar or spelling.  Do not edit yourself with “oh, I could never do THAT!” or anything resembling limits or “realistic thinking”.  You will get to that later, I promise.

(Whatever I put in quotes is directly from the book.  Unquoted sections are me paraphrasing).

1. “Start by making an inventory of your dreams, the things you want to have, do, be and share.  Create the people, feelings, and places you want to be a part of your life,” how you want to look, feel, dress, the things and people you have in your life, your surroundings, smell it, see it , feel it all … “write for a minimum of 10 minutes.”

2.  ”Go over the list you made, estimating for each goal, when you expect to reach those outcomes:  six months, one year, two years, five years, ten years, twenty years.”

3.  ”Now, pick out the four most important goals for you this year.”  For each one “write down why you absolutely will achieve them… and WHY it is important that you do.” (emily:  I would actually use the word “necessary”, rather than “important” as it has much more power attached to it).

4.  Review your 4 goals:  ”Are they stated in the positive?” Can you see the achievement of the goal in your mind?  Can you feel what it feels like, what you see, hear and smell when you achieve this goal?  Are they goals that are attainable by you and not dependent on the actions of someone else?  ”If they violate any of these conditions, change them to fit.”

5.  ”Make a list of the important resources you already have at your disposal to help you achieve each goal: character traits, friends, financial resources, education, time, energy, etc.”

6.  Recall and write down three to fives times in your life when you used those same traits successfully to accomplish some other goal.  ”Describe what you did that made you succeed, what qualities or resources you made effective use of, and what about the situation made you feel successful.”

7. “Describe the kind of person you would have to be to attain your goals..”  ie: a great disciplinarian, free thinker, time manager, brave, bold person with magnetism and great impact, etc etc.?

8.  (emily: HEADS UP:  This is THE question on which my entire world reversed it’s spin!)  ”In a few paragraphs, write down what prevents you from having the things you desire right now.  Dissect your personality and see what’s holding you back from achieving what you want.”  (emily: I could have sworn Tony asked the next part, but it’s not here, so I will ask the thing that landed this whole exercise for me:  Is it worth it?  Is what you are doing now that is keeping you from achieving your goal, worth living without this thing you want so badly?  Yeah, I didn’t think so either.)

9.  ”Take the time now to take each of your four key goals and create your first draft of a step-by-step plan on how to achieve it.  Remember to start with the goal and ask what would I have to do first to accomplish this or what prevents me from having this now and what can I do to change this.  Make sure your plans include something you could do TODAY.”

Those are the main steps of Tony’s “Ultimate Success Formula”.  He goes on with a few more advanced steps:

10.  Come up with models – people who have already achieved what you want to achieve and copy what they do, how they think and what they say.

11.  Set up your ideal day, hour by hour, as the person who accomplishes these goals of yours.

12.  Brainstorm your ideal environment – home and office.

13.  Write a gratitude list expressing how grateful you are for all that you already have in your life.

So, that’ll keep you busy for awhile.  I really hope you do the exercise and that it brings the kind of magic to your life that it has to mine.  As always, know that I am here as a coach to help you through those questions if you are stuck.  Turning your goals into your reality is what I do for a living, woohoo!

Again, you can read how I answered the questions originally 12 years ago HERE.  As for how I answered them this time around?  Too tender to share quite yet, but it goes something like this:

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The above questions have been excerpted from Unlimited Power by Anthony Robbins, pages 202-215.

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Stand Up and Speak

My dear blog readers.  For 3 and 1/2 years you have followed my life and my career.  You have been inspired by where I am strong and felt compassion for where I am weak.  I have shared private moments of struggle and the glorious rays of victory.

But I must admit to you that increasingly, I held out on you.  I put up a screen and hid behind it.  I knew that this was not serving you.  I understand that we are mirrors for one another.  In my blocks you can see your own and my victories help you push toward yours.  For that reason I share this very personal story. My hope is that it will help you move out of any fear or stuckness you may be feeling yourself.

Last night I redeemed a gift I had been given – a free coaching session with one of my heroes, the world-famous chef and health coach, Andrea Beaman.  Andrea, a published author, TV show host, Top Chef contestant, and overall big shot in my world, was one of the lecturers at my nutrition school, The Institute for Integrative Nutrition

When I saw her face pop up on the skype screen last night I almost fainted dead away.  Am I really going to lay open my soul to Andrea-freaking-Beaman??  Well, in about 30 seconds Andrea zeroed right in on the thing I have been hung up on.  The next 59 minutes were spent figuring my way through it.

Here’s the deal:  When I first went into health coaching I was so on fire with excitement and inspiration you couldn’t have held me back with a team of Clydesdales.  As my business grew, more people began reading my articles and coming to me for advice, the good AND the bad happened, and instead of growing with it all, I hit my ceiling of comfort and started to contract.

I created all sorts of reasons for why I was contracting:  mean clients, crazy blog commenters, people so blocked and frightened of change that they lashed out at me instead of themselves.  I put up walls to protect myself.  I stopped speaking so loudly and soon I found that I couldn’t even remember what it was I had wanted to say!

“Be moderate.  Don’t offend.  Speak and write in a way that people can hear your message rather than be offended and turn away.”  These were the things other people were saying to me all the time, and I mistook those thoughts for my own.  Last night Andrea helped me to see that when people give you advice like that, they are speaking from their own fears.  The only thing I should be listening to is my own heart and the message that G-d put in it for me to share.

Today I was in a class at the gym.  The other women were moaning about high cholesterol. The teacher – who I happen to know is also vegan but I never spoke to before even though I have wanted to – said “How about changing your diet instead of taking all those meds that don’t even help.”  Everyone rushed to attack her because they know she is vegan and people get very defensive about that and the thought of the magnitude of change they would have to make to be like her.  They were saying “Diet can’t help hereditary high cholesterol” and all the other myths people believe.

I was sitting there inside my head screaming “Speak Up!  Say Something!  High cholesterol CAN be treated successfully with diet!
 
I contracted in fear and remained silent.
 
But Andrea’s words were in my head and by the time the class ended I was almost hyperventilating.
 
Before I could shrink back, I marched myself over to the teacher and trembelingly told her I am a vegan health coach and she is right, you can lower cholesterol through diet and my clients do it all the time.
 
She said to me “WHY didn’t you speak up??”
 
I didn’t answer. I just looked at her and she saw what was in my eyes. She said “Oh I see.  You are scared.  Well, I am sorry but you do not have the luxury to be scared.  People are dying because they don’t have good information.”
 
BAM!
 

People are dying because they don’t eat well.  People are DYING because they don’t eat well.  People. Are. Dying.

It is true that some people don’t want to change the way they eat.  They would rather suffer the consequences and in order to defend that decision, they will convince themselves – and everyone around them – that change wouldn’t help anyway.  Sadly, the Western medical system is only too happy to push their drugs and their surgeries and placate the unwilling-to-change folks.

But who the heck am I to shrink back because I am afraid of people’s resistance?  What about all the people who DO want to change and need my help?  Isn’t my job to serve with the gifts I was given?

From now on, I am going to trust that if I have something to say it is because someone needs to hear.  If you catch me shrinking again, call me on it please!  And if you have the desire to tell me (or anyone else) to shrink, look within yourself first and see what you are afraid of.

What message are YOU here to deliver?  People are dying.  We don’t have the luxury of being scared to speak.

 

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You Can Run But You Can’t Hide

Well, you CAN hide.  In fact, I am a bit of an expert in hiding.  But inevitably, the truth catches up and outs me…

As some of you may remember, in February I won a coaching scholarship to work with a life coach in Australia, named Káren Wallace.  My scholarship allowed me 4 weekly one-hour sessions via Skype.  Although I want to keep much of what we actually worked on private, I do want to share with you the process we went through and what I got out of it.

I have worked with many coaches and therapists in my life so I am familiar with the process, but I know that some of you have never worked with any sort of adviser, mentor, counselor or coach and wouldn’t even know what to expect.  For this reason, I want to walk you through the process.

The first thing Káren did was to send me an intake form to fill out prior to the start of our first session.  These were the questions on the form:

1. 

2.  

3.  

4.  WHAT DO YOU THINK IS YOUR BIGGEST OBSTACLE IN REACHING YOUR GOALS?

5.  

6.  AS WE WORK TOGETHER, WHAT DO YOU MOST WANT ME TO LOOK OUT FOR, TO KEEP YOU ON TRACK?

Wow, just by writing some thoughtful answers to those questions, I made major strides in my sense of clarity.  You should jot some answers to those questions for yourself and see what you come up with.

I wanted to work with Káren because I was feeling stuck on some pretty big questions concerning the direction of my business, our geographical location and lifestyle, and some more personal issues that I had been feeling discouraged and worried about.  That’s a tall order for 4 sessions!

I knew it wasn’t much time so I decided I would really focus and make the best of it.  In other words, I was a good client.  What was this “work” though?  Well, after talking for each hour-long skype session, Káren and I set goals each week and I worked my best to get them done.  Sometimes I did, other times I was stuck, but I explored that stuckness in writing and painting until I found it’s source.  When you are stuck, there is ALWAYS a good reason for it.  Your job is to figure out why, and when you do, it usually dissolves.  Many people see their stuckness and just turn away.  It seems too hard, too solid, too implacable…  but the whole point of hiring a coach is to have that support to explore your stuck spots in safety.

When I began with Káren, I wrote in my intake form that I had “lost the thread” of my life and my business and was floundering about lost and ineffective.

By the end of the month I had learned something amazing.  I had not in fact “lost the thread”.  The thread was right there with me all along, and I had already worked it all out in great detail as a matter of fact!  But then, because it frightened me and made me insecure, I tucked it away, forgot about it, and showed up “lost”.

Káren gave me the courage to uncover it, the support to share it out in the open, and the confidence to begin rolling it out.  The changes are already taking place for me.  You may notice them or maybe they will be too subtle to see.  They are basically an evolution for me.  It was time for me to grow but I was afraid to allow that to happen because my comfort zone had been working just fine.

Now, this is what is really interesting to me:  I took photos of both myself and my work space the day I began with Káren and then the day of our final session, 21 days later.  I am not going to share my work space photos yet because I still don’t feel “done” in that area, but I want you to see the difference in my appearance:

 

Same amount of makeup.  Same place and time of day.

Note:  Káren and I did not work on my appearance!  These pictures show the difference between someone who is avoiding what she knows to be true about her path and a person who has decided she will be bold and step forward on it.

This, my friends, is the Magic of Coaching.  If you are at all feeling stuck, fuzzy, confused, worried, or lost, hiring a coach is the best thing you can do!  But hiring the coach is only half of it.  You also have to be willing to do the work.  Your coach, (or therapist or whatever), cannot do anything FOR you.  However, the clarity they mirror back to you, the safe place they keep for you, and the gentle encouragement they provide for you, can give you the courage and strength you need to break through to your next evolution.

To hire Káren, you can visit her website HERE.

To hire me, well, you know because you are already here.  You can book a trial session with me by emailing Emily@TriumphWellness.com.

No more hiding, OK?  Not for me and not for you.

It’s My Life

I made you sing Bon Jovi, didn’t I?

OK, so back when I asked for feedback about what you want to read about here, several people said they want to know more about ME, how things roll in my life and how I get stuff done.  I thought to myself  ”Huh?? Why does anyone want to know about my boring life for?!” Then I realized that I like reading posts about people’s boring lives and maybe it can even be helpful to pull back the curtain a little.

So…  today.  It’s mid January and “winter” has finally come to Israel.  The temp is 13C (55F) and where I live on the coastal plain, that’s about as cold as it ever gets.  It is also raining which only happens about 10 days a year, so it’s a pretty darn special day.  I am wrapped in blankets and wearing a scarf indoors because, although I swore I would never lose my New Yorker hardiness, I did in fact lose it.  I adapted down and my body thinks this is freezing.

Ridiculous, I know, please don’t hate me.

Anyway, I woke up this morning, as always at 5:45am to write my 3 Morning Pages.  (This is a practice from Julia Cameron’s book The Artist’s Way that  I began back in August and have been doing every morning since).  Yes, it is dark at that hour and I have to sneak out of bed so as not to wake anyone.  I drink steaming hot tea while I write.  This is my favorite time of the entire day. After my writing is done, I reward myself by playing on facebook a bit so I can interact with the North Americans who are still enjoying yesterday.

The kids get up and I make breakfast which is either cereal, oatmeal, smoothies, muffins, toast and eggs (they are not vegans), toast and peanut butter…  Then I pack their lunches – as well as my husband’s – which are sandwiches or leftovers from dinner.  I walk the dog for the 1st time.

Once everyone has launched off into their day, it is time for my workout.  I either go running, head to the gym, or workout at home.  Every day is Training Day, just like my t-shirt says! ( except Saturday)

Before I go, I eat a little something depending on what the workout will be.  If it’s anything under an hour I just drink a glass of freshly squeezed oj with green powder stirred into it, or I eat 3 dates.  A long workout is usually fueled by a bowl of rice with soy sauce.  Strange, but it is the best breakkie I have found to fuel me far without stomach upset.

Upon returning home I’m a starvin’ Marvin and breakfast needs to happen ASAP.  I normally drink a green smoothie with some Sun Warrior protein powder in it.  Other times I have oatmeal or pb&j+fruit.

TaDa!  is it bedtime yet?  Are you totally bored of this?

Now it is time to settle down and work.  I see clients – yay!  I write articles.  I work on my own website.  I do some marketing woo-woo and call my people in to me.  I work all the way to lunchtime.

Happy Herbivore Meatless Balls

These are Happy Herbivore’s Meatless Balls which are leftover from my dinner last night.  More lunch will follow (veggies, and a grain, if I didn’t have oats for breakfast) but these are super filling!

Then it’s back to work until the off-spring return home from school.  They both come home in need of immediate sustenance:  food, snuggles and a listening ear are all needed after a day away from the nest.  I dispense all three in large supply.  Once they are sated, I finish up any work I need to finish and by 3pm I turn to my home chores (Job #2 for the modern woman!).  We eat dinner between 5:30-6:00 and it takes me awhile to get it cooked, so I usually start somewhere around 4pm and intersperse the cooking with housekeeping, homework advising, and any errands or appointments.  Another dog walk happens in this time also.

vegan slow cooker

Today I dumped a bunch of veggies, grains and beans in the slow cooker because it’s a slow cooker kind of day.  I’ll serve it with leftover pasta from last night.

Unless I have an overseas Skype client, I try to keep evenings free of work, although much pinterest pinning and facebooking happens. The only TV show I watch is Glee, once a week.  Not a big tv person.  This frees up A LOT of time in my life!

I also spend some time each evening planning the following day and that usually includes pre-logging what I am going to eat into Sparkpeople.  I like it planned ahead because then all I need to do is eat what is on my plan and I get the right amount of calories and nutrients without any guesswork.  This has been an important part of maintaining my weight loss all these years!

I’m under the covers by 10pm and read until I fall asleep (approximately 10 seconds later).  And that’s a wrap!

There are other things about my life in Israel that differ from the US life:

1.  With just one car between us, I go everywhere by foot or bus during the day.

2.  We do one big grocery shop a week but I often have to fill in with trips to the health food store, the shuk (daily farm-fresh fruits and veggies), and the little makolet (small private corner market).  I do that all on foot with one of those granny carts my husband calls The Mitsubishi.

3.  Laundry is an every day thing for me.  I alone generate huge amounts of sweaty, stinky clothes, not to mention the kids and husband.  Like most Israelis, we don’t use a clothes dryer because the weather is usually quite lovely.  Laundry is hung on lines in a little laundry balcony.  Its eco and green, but it takes a bit more time.

No hanging laundry on a rainy day!

4.  My kids don’t do tons of classes or clubs, but they didn’t in the US either.  I personally believe childhood is for school, homework, and decompressing at home with an adult care-giver or with your best buds.  I know that makes me out-of-step with lots of parents who believe every moment should be filled with some sort of meaningful learning or hobby, but this works for us.  Not to mention it keeps my life simpler than my friends (and clients) who carpool their kids around from place to place all afternoon and evening.  We didn’t have all this time-filling stuff when we were kids and you know what?  Childhood was plenty fun.  We got bored and created things to do.  We had time to dream and to think.  We knew how to entertain ourselves. We read books and colored and used our creativity.  I want those things for my kids too.  I know I am lucky that I am working from home and I don’t mean to put down working parent’s or their lifestyles.  Just telling my truth and hoping it can be a light for those of you who feel the same but are afraid their kids will “miss out” if they are not in tons of after school activities.  They’ll be amazingly fine and happy and so will you!

I didn’t write this so you would compare your life to mine, for better or worse, but basically just to give a glimpse at the way things are for me right now.  They may change.  Your life might be totally different.  There is no right or wrong.  Just create a lifestyle that works for you and enjoy each day – even the rainy ones!

Sourdough Bread is in the Bucket!

Have you guys ever done a “bucket list”?  It’s where you write out all the things you want to do in your life before, you… well, kick the bucket, I guess.

I recently did one in a coaching session.  I had 20 minutes  to jot down 101 things I want to do in life.  There were big grand things like “own a bookstore/cafe/retreat center/wellness center/get on tv/write a book that gets published”…   ahem!  And then there were the small things like “learn how to make great sourdough bread and other fermented foods”.  While I trust that the angels are working on the grand stuff, they got me started off on the little stuff via a free webinar from THESE folks.

Maybe you’ll remember that I tried my hand at sourdough, pickles and kimchee once before. I used Healing with Whole Foods by Paul Pitchford as my guide.  Sadly, I was met with failure: spoiled stinky starter and nasty tasting pickles.  The kimchee was good though.

When at first you don’t succeed, try a different teacher.

OK, please don’t laugh at my pathetic looking bread!  If there was taste-o-vision you would be dying of joy.  It’s very, very yummy.  I trust with more attempts I will learn to make it look better as well.  OK, drumroll…

sourdough loafAnd that, my friends, is all that is left of 2 full loaves in less than 24 hours, so yeah, it was yummy.

The recipe I used is HERE. My starter has bred like rabbits so I think I’ll try breadsticks or English Muffins or something tomorrow.

Here are the pickles.  Although they are only on day 3, we broke into them and they are still a bit crunchy, but delish:

pickles

Any of you who have done my 30-Day Detox, know that I myself have a slight gluten intolerance and generally avoid bread as it gives me heartburn, bloating and weight gain.  I was hoping that sourdough would be more digestible for me.  So far, NO.  I have all those symptoms.  So that’s a drat, but my family can enjoy it and it’s healthier than store-bought.  And it’s vegan.  These loaves were made with a combo of spelt flour and whole wheat.

OK, on to the next 99 goals!

Invite the Fairies to Breakfast

A couple of weeks ago I was having a conversation with a fellow entrepreneuress about how hard it is to weed through all the ideas and to know which ones to move forward with.  She answered knowingly,  ”Oh, but there are SIGNS everywhere to guide you. You just have follow the path of the Cosmic Breadcrumbs.”

Huh??  I aint seen no Cosmic Breadcrumbs.

“But maybe I’m just not looking for them?”, thought I.  So I decided that from here on out I would not only look for signs but start actually asking for them.

Guess what?

She wasn’t kidding.  There are signs EVERYWHERE!

Now, I’ve already mentioned that I tend to see signs in places like movies and books, and I admitted to having a telling conversation with a Glitter Goddess which I drew, so I wasn’t totally dunce to this concept, but lately the signs have been less message-y and more….

more…well… winged.

fairyI am not going to get into the specifics of these angel/fairy sightings because frankly they have been so amazing that it’s even hard for ME to believe!  I can’t believe they were here all along and I was really that blind?!

Anyway, being me and all, of course, I invited them to breakfast!

fruit and flower

Then, I needed to buy a new notebook.  I am a compulsive notebook list maker, idea jotter, journal keeper, etc.,  and when my current notebook has only a few pages left, I get antsy.  I usually just buy a standard plain notebook.  But wouldn’t you know who was waiting for me at the end-cap of the office supply store?

angel notebook front

I can’t usually use decorative notebooks here because of the Hebrew going right-to-left and causing all left-to-right writers like me to have to start notebooks backward or upside down.  But look at who is the back side of this baby…

angel notebook back

It seems perfectly fitting to me to trust my jottings and ideas to the care of these beautiful creatures who are quietly guiding my path, inspiring my thoughts, eating my fruits and sniffing my flowers.

fruit salad

Try it yourself!  Ask for signs and then keep your eyes peeled.  Let me know what you see.  Turns out there was a trail of cosmic breadcrumbs all along!

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