OK, so I have a little writer’s block. Writing is like any other discipline, when you get into a shvoong and do it everyday, it just pours out with ease and flow. When you get distracted and neglect the practice, you find that starting it up again has become like rolling that dadgum rock uphill.
So, what to do to get things flowing again? Write something shockingly personal and from the heart of course!
I want to write about something today that really is one of my deepest and darkest shames. And the reason I risk exposing myself like this, is because many of you share this particular shame and really, I am freaking sick of it already! We need to shine some light on this thing and sweep it the heck out.
Here’s the heart of it: I am often fearful of doing things because of how I look.
Backstory: The other day I was speaking to a friend about something that was holding her back from taking her next steps. She knows what she wants and needs to do next in life, but is held back, in part, because she has gained a couple of kilos and that makes her lack the confidence to get out there in front of people.
Gee, I have never heard that one before! And NONE of my clients ever say that. And I certainly have never felt like that myself!
You see, the truth is, that although I am proud of the weight I have lost and maintained, I am still not a thin woman. Every single time I meet a new client or teach a class, or show up to run a race, or introduce myself to new people and say what I do for a living, I imagine people are thinking:
“If she eats so healthy, why isn’t she skinnier?”
“Why should I take her advice? She weighs more than me!”
“She’s awfully large to be running this marathon!”
“I thought vegans are always thin?”
More often than I would like to admit, the fear of those thoughts makes me want to cancel the class, lie about what I do for a living, drop out of the race. Heck, sometimes I even think “I should just go work in a shoe store or something where I won’t be expected to have a certain body.” (No offense to shoe store workers!)
The underlying thread of this ridiculous internal monologue is the familiar old fear by the name of, “Who do I think I am?” Boy, do I hate that guy!
I know that many people have this same fear and it is not always related to weight and appearance. And I know that it DOES stop many of you from doing the things you know you want or need to be doing in life!
So how to get past it?
Well, I convene a Mind Monkey Summit where I invite these fears to the table and let them say their piece. The truth is, these thoughts and fears are trying to protect us from making fools of ourselves. I thank them for that, but then I tell them why it is important for me to proceed despite the danger.
As it happens to turn out, I have information to deliver that literally saves lives. It saves the lives of the people who learn from me as well as saving the lives of their kids and even grandkids! If I let my Ego get in the way of my delivering this information to the people who need it,well that is just a stupid, pitiful shame!
OK, worst case scenario – people really WILL say those things to me out loud, in public, in front of others – then what will happen? Well, I can tell you that they have said some of those things to me, and although painful and embarrassing, I didn’t die. I answered honestly, “You are right that I am not skinny, but I have lost a huge amount of weight and kept it off, reversed a deadly disease, healed an eating disorder, cured emotional eating and sugar addiction. I am still working on my weight and sometimes I still struggle with overeating. But if you think that my current weight is more important than my vast experience, I’d have to guess that you are looking for excuses not to have to make your own changes.”
OK, I don’t say that last sentence out loud but… yeah, pretty much.
While we should all work towards making ourselves the best we can be, we should not wait until we are PERFECT to get out there and deliver our gifts! If we hold back from living our purpose because we don’t think our bodies are the right size or shape, or we are not smart enough, or “Who-do-we-think-we-are” is running the show, we are depriving the world of receiving the work/words/message/gift we are here to share.
And because I know some of you are going to be thinking this, remember: Not knowing what your gift is, is not the same thing as not having one! Subject for a different post.
Now, get over yourself and go leave your mark.Pin It