Positive Thinking | Triumph Wellness

The Plight of the Righteously Wronged Victim

May 12, 2013 by Emily Segal 2 Comments

Awhile back, I noticed a pattern that was occurring in my relationships – both personal and business. It would play out like this: I would connect with someone less than kind, pretend I didn’t notice their unkindness, then get all wounded and indignant when they did something mean to me.

The last time it happened, I was participating in a business coaching group and decided that since being all twisted up with this drama was reducing my productivity, it was on-topic for the group. The coach who was leading the group first identified that this was indeed a pattern for me. She asked me for several examples, which sadly I was able to give generously, going back years and years.

My coach pointed out, and I reiterate for my dear readers here, if something is a repeating pattern in your life, there is a good chance that you are doing something to attract this to you. Until you identify and clear it, it is likely to persist.

Then it went something like this:

Coach: So Emily, what are you getting out of this situation?

Me: Frustration, pain, sadness.

Coach: Could there be anything positive you are getting out of it?

Me: I guess it enables me to be distracted and procrastinate my work.

Coach: OK, maybe, but could there be something else? Who do you get to be when this happens to you?

Right away, without even thinking, these words came out of my mouth:

Me: The righteously wronged victim. I get to be the righteously wronged victim.

Coach: So how is it to be the righteously wronged victim?

Me: Well, I thought it was good. I liked being righteous and a victim. But now that I think about it, I HATE it! What a stupid thing to be! The people who “victimize” me just go on, unperturbed, happy with their lives, and I am the one sitting here, wasting time, stewing in my pain. Really, this is pretty much the dumbest and most unproductive thing I have ever done. Ding!

My coach warned the whole group that while being aware of the pattern we are attracting is the first step to changing it, we must completely disconnect from this old pattern. If we are attached to it even 1%, we will fall right back into it out of familiarity and comfort. I did NOT want that, so I committed 100% to divorcing myself from this pattern I have been practicing for about 40 years. Yes, 40 years. My parents are reading this and thinking it has taken me an awfully long time to figure out for myself what they were telling me all along.

Over the course of the next few weeks, several “tests” arose (as they often do when you have made an advancement in your growth). Thanks to this article on victim mentality, I was able to identify right away if I was entering righteous victim mode and immediately change course.

Guess what happened when I stopped engaging in this behavior pattern? Well, you would not believe it if I told you! For starters, all those drama mamas, they just vanished like smoke. Move along people, nothing to see here, no drama to feed on. Suddenly the people who were contacting me to book appointments were totally different than the people I had previously been working with! They are responsible for their own work, they have good boundaries, they are kind. And the other folks? Miraculously I watched as they removed themselves from my practice.

My personal relationships have mirrored what is happening with my business relationships. Do you have any idea how much more time and energy you have every day when you are not tangled up in massive efforts to defend your poor victim self and try to make everyone feel so, so sorry for you?

Now, everywhere I look, I see OTHER people playing the righteous victim role. Now that I can see what they are doing, I can choose to not play the game. All those online arguments, comment wars and facebook foibles? Done, gone, vanished, unfollowed, disconnected… Turns out that not having the last word in every argument to prove how you have been WRONGED-oh-woe-is-me! is quite liberating.

Recently for example, there have been protests about how women can pray at the Western Wall and groups and counter-groups have sprung up. When you read their editorials and replies back and forth, you see both sides saying “WE are the ones being wronged here! WE are the innocent victims of your group!” Both sides. Each claiming righteous victimhood. Everyone stuck and trapped and making no progress.

Look at almost any stale-mated argument (and yes, I can see the Middle East peace process through these eyes too) and you will see two sides both jockeying for righteous victimhood.

Being the righteous victim is a place of stagnancy and no forward progress. It sucks all the creativity and energy right out of us! Who the heck cares if you are so righteously wronged? Who WANTS to be the idiot who lets nasty people wipe their dirty feet all over the place?

The great news is that you don’t have to play along! Be a creator, not a victim. Again, more helpful details in this article HERE.

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Filed Under: coaching exercises, Growth, health coach, Inspiration, Positive Thinking Tagged With: Anti-Ick Techniques, creativity, Self-Improvement

On Not Settling for just OK

March 17, 2013 by Emily Segal 2 Comments

As those of you who follow me on Facebook already know, I finished my last Half Marathon on Friday, in a race where sadly, one young man lost his life, and many others were hospitalized for heat related injuries. A few posts ago, I predicted people were going to get hurt if the forecast was correct and I described how we runners were being encouraged by local coaches to change our pre-race prep and our plans for the race to just run a relaxed pace, watching ourselves and those around us all the time, for signs of heat stroke. The race organizers postponed the full marathon to next week on a changed course off the main streets. They were unable to postpone all the races scheduled because of Obama’s visit to Israel next week. But moving the full marathon assured that no one would be out in the heat too long and enabled them to move all the other races up an hour. The first half marathon heat began at 5:45am. I was in the 6:00am group.

I ran the course from 6am – 8:40am and although the heat was rising quickly in the last hour or so, it was really not THAT hot. And I am someone who is totally sensitive to the heat! There were a couple of problems from my perspective: First of all, they ran out of electrolyte drink very early on. I’d actually love to know how many of the sickened were suffering from hyponatremia rather than dehydration. I had electrolytes in my pocket so I felt comfortable guzzling back large amounts of water. I also didn’t feel like there were enough water stations. Yes, they were every 2 kms, but they were manned by kids – hot and suffering volunteer kids – and there were times I had to actually stop running and ask to be poured a cup or two of water! Finally, we were promised sprayers with hoses and by my count there were only TWO. I could have used 50!! At every water stop, I took 4 cups: drank 3 and poured the 4th over my head. Oh yeah, and there was no food, or at least none by the time I rolled through. Again, I had my own supplies, but if I had been depending on what had been promised, I would have been in big trouble!

Despite these rather minor criticisms - and I know plenty of other runners who do not share my opinion or experience – I don’t think you can lay blame on anyone for the tragedies. I don’t know what happened to those people so how can I say? The man who died was apparently the epitome of fitness and health and nearly 20 years younger than me. How can you explain such a thing? I was running with 50-70 year olds and we were plodding along just fine. I did not see a single person weave, trip, or show any signs of distress where I was at the back of the pack. I was also, for the first time in my life, completely willing to take a DNF (did not finish) if I started to feel unwell.

As you can see from above, my finish time was 2:40 – a far cry from that 2:15 I had been training for!! But I must tell you that this is by far my proudest finish of all the races I have run! I am proud mainly because I got SO many emails and texts from people who said they ran on Friday because they had been inspired by me. I mean, does it get any better than that?! But I’m also proud because despite the string of very valid reasons to drop out of this race over the last few months, not only did I stick with it, but for the VERY FIRST TIME, spent the entire race thinking “I’m OK ! I can totally do this!” I wasn’t worried or wondering. I wasn’t gasping for air or feeling at all hopeless. Other than blisters and toenail trouble, I felt absolutely no pain! I was tired when I crossed the finish line, but I actually forgot to stop running for a minute until someone said “You can stop now.”

Lastly, I am proud because my husband went from non-runner to successful half marathoner who finished a few minutes before me. When I flew into his sweaty dazed arms in the finish corral, he said “I did it! YOU inspired me and I did this!”

shucks ya’ll

You know what I am going to miss the most by not competing in long-distance races anymore? Being an inspiration for people, yes, but I will endeavor to do that in different ways now. Yes, the high of accomplishment and the bragging rights too. But more than that, is the energy of a group of committed people who are out there pushing their physical limits because they want something MORE than the ordinary in life.

There were 35,000 people out there running on Friday. That is 35,000 people willing to put in the training, say no to months of desserts, get out of warm beds on cold days when everyone else is snoozing cozily on, run in rain, get splattered with mud, skip the late night drinks with friends, lose our toenails, (sacrifice our Achilles in the case of my training partner!), stay committed, stay on track. We all have our own reasons for being out there, but I believe we all share the desire for something more. Something greater.

I gave myself one day off. One. Then last night, I sat down with my calendar and my journal and mapped out my next goal. I hope I always have this desire to grow, to better myself, and to make the most of what G-d gave me. I hope I never settle for just OK.

I hope you won’t either. It doesn’t have to be running – it can be any area in which you choose to push the envelope and to stop accepting “good enough”. You will get a calendar, make a plan, check off your day by day goals, and before you know it, be standing at the pinnacle of your achievement, knowing that every single drop of blood, sweat and tears was worth it. Amen.

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Filed Under: Exercise, Goals, Growth, health coach, Inspiration, Positive Thinking, Running, Tel Aviv Half Marathon, Tel Aviv Marathon Tagged With: Achievement, Exercise, Goals, Nutrition for Athletic Performance, Running, Self-Improvement, Tel Aviv Marathon, Vegan Athlete

Running the Houston Marathon Vegan Style

February 17, 2013 by Emily Segal 1 Comment

Today’s guest post is by Triumph Wellness reader and vegan runner, Kanishka deSilva. I want to thank Kanishka for writing this post for us and congratulate him on his vegan marathon finish!

As soon as the gun went off, the rain started. I knew it was not going to be a day for a PR (personal record)! I was among the 12,000 marathoners and 13,000 half marathoners who had trained hard to achieve a personal goal and the time has come to execute it. The weather on January 13, 2013 in Houston, Texas was wet, cold and windy. The wind was gusting at 15 to 25 mph. The Cold Front bringing arctic cold air slammed into Houston around 6.30 am on race day just before the 7.00 am start time. Despite this nasty weather and the challenges I faced over the next few hours, I am proud to say that I completed the full marathon that day in a time of 4:24:29!!

I started running about 10 years ago. As years went by, I needed a goal to keep me motivated and continue running. I did 5K’s and 10K’s for a couple of years. During this time I was a non-vegan and ate a typical meat centered diet. I love nature, wildlife and the environment. As an environmentalist, I participated in local environmental causes and supported national organizations such as WWF, Sierra Club and the Environmental Defense Fund. As I read about what causes harm to the environment, I realized that raising meat is one of the worst environmental offenders! So I started to cut back on meat consumption. I also started to realize the effect of red meat on my health and the benefit of eating vegetables. I slowly removed meat, poultry, and finally dairy from my diet and became a vegan in 2009. I was still running and competing in 5K’s and 10K’s.

Each year in January, the local TV station provides live coverage of the Houston Marathon. When I watched the coverage, I wished that I was at the starting line ready to run rather than watching it from the comfort of the living room couch. But running 26.2 miles was a huge jump from your typical 10K. In 2011, I joined a running club that was formed at my work place and started to run with some co-workers. We had folks who were Ultra Marathoners and some who couldn’t even run 1/2 mile. Each week we added miles and our training runs extended to 5 miles. A few times we did two laps and I was able to finish 10 miles! It was an awesome feeling to complete a 10 mile run and I knew that I was ready to do a 1/2 marathon. My fellow runners urged me to register for a local 1/2 marathon in March 2011. My goal was to finish the 13.1 miles. I finished in 2:10:16 at a pace of 9:56 min/mile.

By this time I was a total vegan and my vegan lifestyle certainly didn’t stop me from finishing a half marathon in good time. So I set my sight on the next goal, the Houston marathon. During the training for the full marathon I read about Scott Jurek, one of the top ultra marathoners in the US who is also a vegan. Jurek writes about running, veganism and how to get proper nutrition when you are a vegan runner. He was an inspiration for me as I prepared for my event.

In 2012, the runners in our club were running hard and fast in July-August, the worst times to run in Houston. Some days the temperature would be 95F with 98% humidity in the evening and we would still go out and run. My times were slowly improving and I PR’d most of my races in 2012. I PR’d the 5K, 10K and the half Marathon distances in 2012. I shaved off 15 minutes from my first 1/2 marathon and finished in 1:55 at a pace of 8:49 min/mile. My vegan lifestyle was definitely helping as I was running faster despite getting older.

On January 13th my big day arrived and with it, that horrible winter storm! As the marathoners started off, the atmosphere was electrifying and my adrenaline was in full swing. I was not used to running in a rain poncho (rain coat) and it took me some time to adjust to it. At 5K, I was running at 8:52 min/mile pace and realized that I was going too fast. I slowed down and was still making good time. At 15K, the weather was taking a toll. My pace has decreased to 8:56 min/mile and the cold windy rain was still coming down in bursts. My fingers were numb and I could not even reach into my pouch to get my energy gels! At the half way mark (13.1 miles), my pace has dropped to 9:06 min/mile. I was really slowing down and if I ran slower than this my finish time would be over 4 hours. At 30K, my pace was 9:28 min/mile! I resigned to the fact that my goal of finishing below 4 hours was over. A few miles after the 30K my legs started to hurt. The muscles were screaming for oxygen and energy and I had to slow down and walk as my legs refused to run.

At this point my goal was just to finish and forget about getting a PR! I think I lost interest in the race when I knew that I would not be breaking the 4 hour mark. The mind does play an important role in racing! If the mind is not fully engaged with your goal, things starts to fall apart. I believe training the mind to keep your goal in the radar is as important as training your body to finish 26.2 miles. As I was so tired and exhausted, I slowed down considerably and added a some walking to give my legs a break. As we headed back to downtown, the rain had ceased and the crowd was getting larger. I grabbed some oranges that folks were handing out and that gave me a little boost. As I got closer to the finish line, I gathered up the last few grams of energy and pushed on. My wife was there to cheer me and I put on a brave face for the camera. As I crossed the finished line, I was overcome with mixed emotions. Happy to finish the marathon but dejected that I could not achieve my goal.

The hardest part was walking back to the car to get home!

The weather affected everyone who braved it and ran that day. None of the top finishers in the full and the half marathon established records or PR’s. The local newspaper mentioned that only 40% of the marathon runners started the race. The normal dropout rate is about 10%. Out of the 60% who started, 98% completed. Which is really good. I guess only the die hard runners were at the start line. I am still trying to figure out what I could have done differently that would have changed the outcome. During the last two months of training, I had started to change my diet based on Dr Fuhrman’s Nutritarian program. I feel that I may have not consumed adequate calories as my weight went down by about 4 pounds during the last month before the race. Maybe I should have increased my long run from 20 miles to 22 miles and increased my calorie intake to compensate for the change in the diet? I will take notes of all these issues and adjust my training plan for next year.

Personally, completing the Marathon was a great achievement for me and the most physically demanding event that I have done.

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Filed Under: Exercise, Goals, Growth, Positive Thinking, Running, Triumph Race Club, vegan Tagged With: Achievement, Goals, Nutrition for Athletic Performance, Race Club, Running, Team Triumph Race Club, Vegan Athlete, vegan diet benefits

When A Loved One Won’t Change

February 14, 2013 by Emily Segal 1 Comment

Subtitle: ”Why Can’t You Do This For Me, for the kids, for yourSELF?!”

Here is the Mad Libs version:

Your _____________________

(spouse / partner / sister / father / best friend / child)

Needs to____________________

(lose weight / get his blood sugar down / get her cholesterol down / stop smoking / stop drinking / wear a seat belt)

Although he/she insists it has nothing to do with you, and that your nagging is only making things worse, you feel______________________

(betrayed / angry / worried / massively betrayed)

Sound familiar, anyone? I bet it does!

Today, instead of telling you what to do from my standpoint as a health practitioner, I want to share with you the other side of the coin.

I was your spouse. I was the one who was willfully disregarding my health and my family’s future all in the name of getting my next binge. I hope that if you can see things from your loved one’s perspective, you will be able to find some peace and clarity.

Several years ago I tried eating myself into oblivion while my husband was the one to be angry about my growing body and frustrated by my resistance to change. The more he pushed and threatened me, the more I ate and the fatter I became. I truly felt that it was MY business and had nothing to do with him. I seriously resented him making it his problem, even though somewhere in the dim recesses of my mind, I kinda-sorta understood how my health and weight ultimately WOULD impact his life and the lives of our children.

I was in Stage One: Pre-Contemplation (click that link to read the post I wrote about the 5 Stages of Change). I was only dimly aware that there was some sort of a problem but feeling like I was a victim of intolerable levels of stress with food as my only lifeline. I could no sooner have given up over-eating than I could have gone without oxygen.

You can read about what advanced me from Stage One to Stage Two HERE. Basically, I finally understood that my actions were causing my outcome, plain and simple. Change my actions and I’d change the outcome. But more than that, here was this man, Tony Robbins and he had done it himself. And all the thousands of people who followed him, they were taking this kind of action in their lives. I understood for the first time that it could be done and people were doing it. I could change my story and change the way my story would end.

So this is my message to you (and when I get around to publishing that post about overweight kids it will be the same message):

Shut Up and Walk Your Own Talk.

End of story.

People do not hear what you say as much as see what you do. Ghandi said “Be the change you want to see.” You – be the change. Model the behaviors you want others to adopt. SHOW don’t say. Work on Yourself. Be the best you can be. Be Inspiring. Make the people around you WANT to reach higher. Show people what is possible.

Married folks: I realize how painful it feels for you, that your partner is betraying the agreement you made when you got married. He/she is digging an early grave and will leave you holding the bag. But go back and read the stages of change. People who are not changing likely do not believe that it is in their power to do so. No amount of screaming and threatening is going to change that.

Those Stage Oners need hope and belief. They need to come to understand that they CAN reverse their problem. They need to move from helpless victim to artful designers of their own destiny.

Model it for them and then butt out.

P.S. I am not suggesting you stay with a partner bent on self-destruction. You may decide that you need to leave a relationship in order to take care of yourself. That is modeling healthy self-care as well.

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Filed Under: coaching exercises, Growth, health coach, Inspiration, Love, Positive Thinking, Rants Tagged With: Obesity, Overweight, Self-Improvement, weight loss

Redefine Hard

January 24, 2013 by Emily Segal Leave a Comment

On a typical morning, I wake up, walk the dog, feed everyone breakfast, pack lunches, and get the kids off to school. Then I put on my running clothes…

…and spend the next 30 – 60 minutes whining to my husband about why I do not want to go running!

My husband, observing this phenomenon in me for years, and now experiencing it for himself while training for his first Half Marathon, has sagely noted:

The training is not the hard part. Getting out the door to DO the training is what is really hard!

Often when a client first comes to see me for weight loss or diet change, he or she holds the belief that “Weight Loss is Hard”. This belief has probably formed during past attempts where it either felt hard to diet or to maintain the weight lost.

Now imagine for a minute how much motivation and excitement to get started you feel when you think “Weight Loss is Hard.”

Ugh, not very much, right?

So we re-frame the belief that “weight loss is hard” by listing all the things about being overweight and food addicted that are hard:

Finding clothes to wear that you feel good in each day
Clothes shopping (nothing you want looks good on you)
Being without food for several hours (start to get crave-y and hypoglyecmic)
Having heartburn
Having a stomach ache
Taking medications for diet-caused illnesses
Being out of breath
Feeling insecure or even ashamed
Walking in to a room and assessing if you are the biggest person there
Being tired
Feeling depressed
Worrying about your own health
Worrying about passing these food problems on to your kids

I know that not every overweight person feels these things. These are things my clients say or things I experienced myself when I was overweight.

When we re-frame the question “What is Hard?” we can now see that being overweight and food addicted is really pretty hard! Look at that list! Is it just possible that, in comparison, sticking to a healthy food plan might not be so hard after all?

As for we exercisers, what is the re-frame we do to get us out that door? Personally, I think about the things that would be hard in my life if I did NOT workout:

feeling depressed
achy muscles
low energy
muddy thinking
flabby legs
being out of breath
setting a poor example for my kids
and the one that gets me most right now, 8 weeks from my race day: failing and/or suffering in front of thousands of people.

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It’s all in the re-frame!

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Filed Under: coaching exercises, Exercise, Goals, Growth, health coach, Inspiration, Positive Thinking, Running, weight loss Tagged With: Achievement, Dieting vs Lifestyle, Exercise, Goals, Obesity, Overweight, Running, Self-Improvement, Sugar Addiction, weight loss

Nine Questions That Changed My Life

January 8, 2013 by Emily Segal 3 Comments

What readers familiar with my story may remember, is the tipping point I reached in order to turn my back on unhealthy eating, living, and the overweight that came as a result, was a Tony Robbins book. As you can read in this post HERE, I had stumbled upon the book quite by accident, opened to a page most randomly, became captivated by a writing exercise within it, and basically changed the course of my life on the very spot.

The kicker is that I left the book on the desk in the library, not even checking it out or reading any farther than that one exercise in the middle of the book!

Now, I am not one to believe in accidents of fate. I know I was guided to the info I needed the moment I was ready for it. Once the message had been delivered and received, I guess I had no need of the actual messenger.

To tell you the truth I actually began to wonder if that entire day hadn’t been some sort of dream? I mean, if the book had been that important, how could I not remember what it was?

Recently however, as I faced a similar challenge in my life, I began wondering about the magic of that day. If I found the book and re-did the exercise, could I get as wonderful a result as I did that day back in 2001? I decided I would find the book and try! Unfortunately for me, Tony has been prolific with his writing and it was seemingly impossible for me to choose THE BOOK from the dozens he has written.

So, doing as I had on that fateful day, I went “eeny-meeny” and asked a power greater than myself to guide me to “miney-mo”.

I found it on the very first try.

(Skeptics among you are certain my subconscious remembered the title or the cover even though I didn’t think I had. That’s fine too).

And now, with the book in my possession, I understand that the entire lengthy and jam-packed tome is a life changer. No wonder this guy is famous! Wow!

The exercise that launched me on an altered course is tucked right in the middle of all this amazing content. Although it is not exactly as I had remembered it, it’s still powerful and profound. I have been sharing it with my clients, but today wanted to share it with all of you as a New Year’s present.

This is not an exercise to be read passively. You must take out pen and paper and write, write, write! What better way to begin a new year than with some soul searching? So get your writing tools and I will wait here until you get back…

color-bars

You’re back? OK, the actual exercise is an entire chapter of the book, so here I am going to paraphrase a bit. Basically, the set up is to spend some time imagining what you would do in life if you knew you couldn’t fail. Then, after you have fantasized a bit, with that wide open, happy, frame of mind, answer the following questions. Write freely without thought to grammar or spelling. Do not edit yourself with “oh, I could never do THAT!” or anything resembling limits or “realistic thinking”. You will get to that later, I promise.

(Whatever I put in quotes is directly from the book. Unquoted sections are me paraphrasing).

1. “Start by making an inventory of your dreams, the things you want to have, do, be and share. Create the people, feelings, and places you want to be a part of your life,” how you want to look, feel, dress, the things and people you have in your life, your surroundings, smell it, see it , feel it all … “write for a minimum of 10 minutes.”

2. ”Go over the list you made, estimating for each goal, when you expect to reach those outcomes: six months, one year, two years, five years, ten years, twenty years.”

3. ”Now, pick out the four most important goals for you this year.” For each one “write down why you absolutely will achieve them… and WHY it is important that you do.” (emily: I would actually use the word “necessary”, rather than “important” as it has much more power attached to it).

4. Review your 4 goals: ”Are they stated in the positive?” Can you see the achievement of the goal in your mind? Can you feel what it feels like, what you see, hear and smell when you achieve this goal? Are they goals that are attainable by you and not dependent on the actions of someone else? ”If they violate any of these conditions, change them to fit.”

5. ”Make a list of the important resources you already have at your disposal to help you achieve each goal: character traits, friends, financial resources, education, time, energy, etc.”

6. Recall and write down three to fives times in your life when you used those same traits successfully to accomplish some other goal. ”Describe what you did that made you succeed, what qualities or resources you made effective use of, and what about the situation made you feel successful.”

7. “Describe the kind of person you would have to be to attain your goals..” ie: a great disciplinarian, free thinker, time manager, brave, bold person with magnetism and great impact, etc etc.?

8. (emily: HEADS UP: This is THE question on which my entire world reversed it’s spin!) ”In a few paragraphs, write down what prevents you from having the things you desire right now. Dissect your personality and see what’s holding you back from achieving what you want.” (emily: I could have sworn Tony asked the next part, but it’s not here, so I will ask the thing that landed this whole exercise for me: Is it worth it? Is what you are doing now that is keeping you from achieving your goal, worth living without this thing you want so badly? Yeah, I didn’t think so either.)

9. ”Take the time now to take each of your four key goals and create your first draft of a step-by-step plan on how to achieve it. Remember to start with the goal and ask what would I have to do first to accomplish this or what prevents me from having this now and what can I do to change this. Make sure your plans include something you could do TODAY.”

Those are the main steps of Tony’s “Ultimate Success Formula”. He goes on with a few more advanced steps:

10. Come up with models – people who have already achieved what you want to achieve and copy what they do, how they think and what they say.

11. Set up your ideal day, hour by hour, as the person who accomplishes these goals of yours.

12. Brainstorm your ideal environment – home and office.

13. Write a gratitude list expressing how grateful you are for all that you already have in your life.

So, that’ll keep you busy for awhile. I really hope you do the exercise and that it brings the kind of magic to your life that it has to mine. As always, know that I am here as a coach to help you through those questions if you are stuck. Turning your goals into your reality is what I do for a living, woohoo!

Again, you can read how I answered the questions originally 12 years ago HERE. As for how I answered them this time around? Too tender to share quite yet, but it goes something like this:

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The above questions have been excerpted from Unlimited Power by Anthony Robbins, pages 202-215.

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Filed Under: coaching exercises, Goals, Growth, health coach, Inspiration, Positive Thinking, Recommendations Tagged With: Achievement, creativity, entrepreneurship, Goals, Self-Improvement

Guest Post: Confessions of a Newbie Vegan

December 13, 2012 by Emily Segal 2 Comments

Our guest writer today, Fred Schlomka, is the husband of a dear friend of mine. I asked Fred to share his story with my readers and he generously does so very honestly below.

Now, I know that for some of you, the fact that Fred identifies as a vegan but is willing to eat a few non-vegan items or push pieces of meat off the top of a dish and still eat it, is problematic. If that troubles you, don’t read this post. If on the other hand, you can focus on the changes this man has made, the impact those changes have had, and allow that we each walk our own path, then I think you will really be inspired by Fred’s story.

* * * *

It’s really not that hard to be vegan. People are always asking me “How did you do it?” or gasping “What? No milk or meat products?! What on earth do you eat?”

Well, here’s my secret: There isn’t one!

Most people know whether they are living a healthy lifestyle or not. Some of us have metabolisms and psychologies that enable a life of moderation and balance. I believe that most foods in moderation do not harm us, and that includes milk and meat products. However most of us in the ‘Developed World’ learn various types of addictions at an early age, sugar, milk and meat tend to be the worst culprits. From our earliest years these products are shovelled into our bodies in quantities far exceeding our nutritional requirements. Our bodies then become dependent on them, and subsequently prone to all kinds of cardiovascular problems and exotic cancers. Our parents, schools, communities, corporations and governments all work together to reinforce the idea that these foods are needed in huge quantities.

Thus we become addicted, except the people I mentioned earlier who seem to float through life unaffected by all the food indoctrination. They remain gloriously healthy.

There was no real decision point for me to alter my eating habits. It was more like a continuum of knowledge easing me towards a healthier lifestyle. My daughter Maya was an inspiration. She has been vegetarian since she was twelve years old, and during the summer of 2011 stopped eating milk products as well. She never proselytized to my wife or myself, but our kitchen was always a reflection of our daughter’s culinary needs.

Meat was never a big factor in our diet. At home we used to have meat once or twice a week and I would eat the occasional shwarma or steak at restaurants. However I did like slabs of bread and butter, and snack foods such as chips, chocolate, ice cream etc., which, as I passed through my 50′s, started adding to my girth. It was becoming a problem. After a blood test last year, my doctor wanted to put me on drugs to reduce my cholesterol, and giving me red flag warnings about heart disease and cancer. I have also been an on-again/off-again smoker for most of my life.

So in early 2012 I started mulling over what to do. I think my wife’s comments on my emerging breasts had something to do with it. Then my daughter suggested I take a look at a video, Forks over Knives. If anything tipped my decision it was that movie, plus some research it prompted me to do. My reasons are for health alone. I have no ethical problem with the eating of animals or their products, although I am pleased to now be on the side of more ecologically sane eating.

Like most people I have a mild addictive personality so I knew that ‘going on a diet’ would not solve my health issues. Diets are by definition short-lived, so I have chosen a lifestyle change which includes new and permanent eating patterns. Most people have addictive personalities to a greater or lesser degree. This is possibly why most diets do not last. If you bristle at the idea that you are some kind of addict, then I challenge you to give up sugar for the next 60 days – zero sugar – none. This means no sugar in hot drinks, no fizzy soft drinks, no ice cream, cakes, etc etc.

I made a decision to remove from my eating plan any meat, dairy, sugar, bread, and processed foods. I am not fanatical about it. Just last night I had a little slice of birthday cake at a dinner party. So sugar and the like become occasional treats, not daily fare. Sometimes I visit my Bedouin friends who might serve Makluba for lunch, a delicious dish of chicken and goat meat cooked together with rice and vegetables. It arrives at the table on a huge platter. I just move aside the meat and help myself to the rice and veggies. A little meat flavour does not bother me.

During the first six week after beginning my modified eating plan, I dropped from 76 kilos to 69 kilos. That was ten months ago. Since then I have fluctuated between 67 and 70 kilos. I believe my healthiest weigh should be around 64-65 kilos so am working on reducing my “healthy” snacks which tend to include a lot of nuts. Now when I am on the road I take fruit or nuts with me, or snack on falafel. Just about any falafel shop will provide a bag of falafel or a platter of falafel and salads without the pita. But I need to still cut down on the nuts.

Of course real health comes from a combination of proper eating and exercise. I practice karate 2-3 times a week and visit my personal trainer at the gym once a week, plus more sporadic working out at home, a little biking (which I want to increase), and lots of walking. I recently had a full blood workup and my doctor informed me that everything was 100%. No one was more surprised than he was! “I wish all my patients were like you.” he admitted.

Oh, did I mention I stopped smoking several months ago? Now, as I approach the end of my first year as a vegan, I believe I am doing everything possible to improve my health and extend my life as much as possible. It really hasn’t been that hard. The American Philosopher John C. Lilly once wrote ”What one believes to be true either is true or becomes true within the limits of the mind. Those limits are beliefs to be transcended.” Once upon a time I believed I was a meat-eating smoker, and I was. Over a period of time I came to believe I was a non-smoking vegan – so I became one. No trauma. No cravings. We all have within ourselves the capacity to change, but for change to come successfully, we have to first imagine a new status, a new way of being and relating to the world. This creates a window of opportunity for change. I stepped through the window and haven’t looked back.

Fred & Cindy_cropped When he is not eating well or practicing karate, Fred manages Green Olive Tours, an “alternative” tour company. He spends a great deal of time driving around the country, introducing foreign visitors to the culture, social mores, religions, and politics of the region.

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Filed Under: Inspiration, Positive Thinking, vegan, weight loss Tagged With: Achievement, Dieting vs Lifestyle, Self-Improvement, vegan diet benefits, weight loss

The Frightening New Normal

November 11, 2012 by Emily Segal 1 Comment

We live in a world where the following things are considered “normal”:

Eating everything, and I mean, EVERYTHING … but in “moderation”, of course

Allowing our kids to eat sugar and junk food every day because they are doing so “in moderation” and because not doing so is not “normal”

Spending day after day completely sedentary, moving from house to car to office then back to house

Hiring people to do all manual labor around our homes from cooking to cleaning to gardening to childcare

“Relaxing” at the end of our long day by watching mindless television or chatting with our equally exhausted and equally “normal” mindset cyber-friends

Believing that despite our hired help, our cars to take us everywhere, households full of time saving equipment like dish washers and washing machines, and the hours spent on passive screen-based entertainment, that we don’t have time to cook healthy meals or get any exercise

Taking all kinds of pills to alleviate illnesses and symptoms brought on entirely from doing all of the above

Having to take more pills to alleviate the side effects caused by the first pills

Undergoing surgeries where a doctor cuts our bodies open with knives and saws (um hello, SAWS, yes they do!) to fix the problem the pills didn’t fix

Feeling this physical and mental decline is all an inevitable part of the aging process

Feeling hopeless to change anything

The other day on Facebook, someone posted one of those quote boxes that said “Adulthood: If you’re not tired, you’re not doing it right.” and a whole string of people said “Amen to that!” People, I would like to add, who are at least 20 years younger than my remarkably UN-tired self.

WHA????

I feel so bad for these people. I feel so sad that people just stumble through life exhausted and drained, not ever imagining the kind of energy and health they could have if they just chose it. I sometimes feel like I am living in a world that is the exact enactment of the films Wall-E and Idiocracy! The future has arrived indeed.

Folks, please, please, PLEASE wake up! Please make the connection between HOW you live your life and the way you FEEL living your life! Stop waving your white flag of defeat before even stepping onto the battlefield!

My thoughts:

I don’t think that most of us can live in this modern food obsessed, food-abundant world and NOT worry about what we eat and how much. Very few people have the ability to stop when they are full and only eat when truly hungry. Some can, but judging by the “obesity crisis” most can’t. I can’t. I have tried it and it got me obese, sick and miserable. I pledge everyday to not ever go back to that dark place. Read the fascinating Myth of Moderation HERE.

Kill yourself in the gym? Give me a break! I don’t “kill” myself in the gym. I kill myself when I am NOT in the gym. Our bodies need to move, lift heavy things, stretch, jump and climb. If those actions are not part of your natural life (ie you sit at a computer all day) then you need to work them in somehow. Working out is what keeps us alive, strong, supple, and mentally well-balanced. Being sedentary is what is a death sentence. How have we gotten that so backwards?

F*&k Normal! “Normal” these days is synonymous with diseases like cancer, being overweight and or under-strong, and complaining of how tiring life is. People hobble along like sheep following the crowd, accepting that cancer is normal, stiff bodies are normal, being tired and overwhelmed by life is normal. They believe that making time to cook healthy food is some weirdo fringe behavior and that rolling up to the drive-through window is “normal eating”.

People say to me “I let my kids eat junk food because I want them to “feel normal about food.” When did junk food become normal food? When did cooking healthy food become bizarre and extreme??

Every day I wake up and say “I can be better. I can do better. I can feel better. I can be happier.” Eating healthy, exercising, having a purpose, a dream, and the energy to pursue it – those are the rungs on the ladder I will keep climbing.

”Normal” is going to kill you – escape while you can!

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Filed Under: coaching exercises, Exercise, Goals, Growth, health coach, Inspiration, Positive Thinking, Rants, weight loss Tagged With: Dieting vs Lifestyle, Exercise, Getting Kids to Eat Healthy, Goals, Self-Improvement, weight loss

The Things We Think And Do Not Say

August 15, 2012 by Emily Segal 5 Comments

Today is my 46th birthday. Forty-six is a lot of dang-nabbity years!

I started this first day of my 47th year with my favorite Spinning class. You know, Spinning is the magical wormhole into the endorphin dimension. You can keep your “E”, your 50 Shades of Grey and your 70% fair trade chcolate. Just throw me a spin bike, some awesome music, an Israeli to yell at me, and I’m deep into the happy zone.

Then, on my walk home from Spinning, I was thinking about Jerry Maguire.

It all started yesterday when, fueled by temperatures that topped 180 Kelvin, and some free radicalized estrogen/progesterone circulating in my boiling blood, I wrote a really long and very passionate blog post on parental culpability and responsibility for overweight children. Luckily, before I hit the “publish” button, I decided to send the post to a friend endowed with good taste and common sense. The subject line of my email to her read “Is this too bitchy and negative?” To which she basically answered “Um, yes.”

I decided to shelve the post for the time being and as I logged it into my Drafts folder, I saw a looooong string of posts I have written and not published. And I thought to myself, “Ah, these are the things we think and do not say.”

Which led me back to the movie, in which Jerry, fueled by some bad pizza, sits down and pours his heart out into a rambling and scathing Manifesto on his company’s policies. He has, he tells us “Lost the ability to bullshit”.

OK, so I am SO far past that point, I am not even in the dang bull pasture anymore! There is not a bone of bullshit left in my being. The trick though, is how to SAY things in a way that people can HEAR and not just run screaming from me with their hands over their ears. Which is of course what happens to Jerry. No one wants to hear his manifesto because it makes them feel guilty. He shines a big ole flashlight on everyone’s lack of integrity and they don’t like it one bit.

Well, it’s MY birthday and MY blog and the “things I think and do not say” are freeking CHOKING ME. So here goes… duck and cover dears:

Stop waiting for “the right time”. There is no right time. There is only Now and The-Hell-of-Putting-it-Off-For-One-More-Day time. Do you have any idea how many emails I get from people who write “I just love your philosophy Emily. One day I am going to work with you when I am ready.” ? Yeah, yeah, one day aint nevah gonna get here honey. One, five, ten years are going to pass and you are going to be fatter, more out of shape, sicker, and turning things around is going to be even harder. Now. Today. Just Begin. GO.

Ouch! Ooo, hurts so good. You still with me?

Stop waiting for the time when you will “FEEL” like making changes. You are never going to feel like doing it, trust me. If I did what I felt like every day I would pretty much live on a regime of cookies and couch-sitting. Been there, done that, fun while it lasted, nearly killed me. I don’t ever feel like going to the gym. I generally don’t feel like running until I am several kms into it. I certainly never woke up and said “I feel like running 42 kms today!” I do NOT prefer lettuce to chocolate. I do what I have to do to get what I want to get. Boom.

If you haven’t already listened to this @ss-kicking motivational talk by Mel Robbins, do so now and wake up fresh and tingly: Mel Robbins in the WISH Summit HERE.

Know your addictions. Don’t even try to negotiate with things you cannot control. You will lose over and over again. Eliminate, don’t Moderate. Life is so much more peaceful when you are not constantly trying to battle those cravings and will-power struggles.

Stop wondering if it’s worth it. Did you ever notice that those people who say “I would rather eat what I want even if it means living a shorter life, than moderating myself and exercising” pretty much never say that anymore once they are really sick? That’s because most of us don’t go straight from main-lining cheeseburgers and milkshakes to peacefully dead in one day. First we get sick. And being sick is really, really awful. Being sick and feeling regret is even worse.

On the other hand, being in shape and having tons of energy? Not too shabby! It’s worth it. Like, totally.

Last one, hang in there…

Stop blaming. Your life = your responsibility. Your family isn’t derailing you. Society isn’t making it hard for you. Your husband isn’t sabotaging your efforts. Your busy schedule isn’t dooming you to failure. YOU are letting those things happen! You. You. You. The people who succeed at healthy behavior change are the ones who figure out a way to do it despite their challenges. They go to bed earlier so that they can get up earlier and pack their healthy meals. Instead of sacking out in front of the tv, they chop their veggies in advance so that healthy options will be ready when hunger hits. They plan in advance. They keep track. They LIVE ON PURPOSE, not just at the whim of the day-to-day.

All those other people and things that you believe are obstacles in your path? They are not the ones who will have to live in your body when you feel like crap, are burning with heartburn, bloated with gas, struggling to breath at the top of the stairs, recovering from bypass surgery, suffering through dialysis or chemotherapy. You will be alone. You already are.

Please read this illuminating article from Tom Venuto, The Weight Maintenance Predictors: 13 Behaviors and Attitudes that Keep Fat Off Forever HERE and let me just say in advance, I told you so.

OK I’m done. You survived.

I am not going to send this post by rational, calm editor friend today. This is going out into the world to become the things I THOUGHT and SAID.

C’mon, you know I had you at hello… (email subscribers click the post title to enjoy the musical accompaniment)

Filed Under: coaching exercises, Exercise, Goals, Growth, health coach, Inspiration, Positive Thinking, Rants, Running Tagged With: Achievement, Exercise, Goals, Running, Self-Improvement, weight loss

How to Dissolve Fear

March 18, 2012 by Emily Segal 1 Comment

I have a few recipe posts waiting in the wings, but first have some good stuff to share.

1. The 2nd annual WISH Summit is underway. WISH stands for Women’s International Summit for Health and it is founded and headed up by Tera Warner of the Raw Divas. WISH is 40 days of amazing interviews with some of the top names in health, spirituality, finanial health, business, sexuality, and creativity. Tera is an excellent interviewer and things rarely get boring!

I download the talks onto my ipod and listen while I am running or doing chores. In fact, I am still listening and re-listening to some of the amazing talks from last year’s summit! I keep hearing new things. This year’s summit has also been wonderful and I have already had a ton of light bulb moments as I listen. My favorite speakers so far are EFT Master Carol Look, comedian Kyle Cease, and writer and physician Bernie Siegel. The program is totally free and you can listen to past talks as well. You can sign up HERE. This is not an affiliate program. I am just recommending it because it’s great.

2. The Tel Aviv Marathon is in 11 days and I am in taper mode, which means short, easy runs to keep up fitness levels without tearing down muscles or courting any injuries. I am as trained as I’m gonna be!

An amazing thing has happened in terms of my previous high level of terror and fear surrounding this race. While listening to one of the WISH talks I mentioned above, new age comedian Kyle Cease described a technique he uses to beat stage fright and to allow himself to be more in the zone during performances. Instead of doing affirmations like “I am running the Tel Aviv Marathon successfully”, you say “Remember when I ran the Tel Aviv Marathon and it was so fun and so inspiring? Remember how the spectators were so great and there was so much camaraderie with the other runners? Remember how the sky was so blue and the city and the sea looked so beautiful? Remember how wonderful and strong I felt the whole way through and how proud and excited I was when I crossed the finish line?”

So instead of making an affirmation that is off in the future somewhere, you put what you want to happen in the past. Then your mind looks on it like it already happened. When I started doing this, I found that 1.) much of my nervousness dissipated and 2.) I realized that my main goal in doing this race is to have fun! Sure I have other reasons why I want to do it, but having FUN while doing it is really the most important thing. I actually am thinking about bringing a camera along with me!

This is my toe. It is half purple and the nail is contemplating jumping ship. It is seriously cramping the having fun part of running a marathon! Apparently this toenail business happens often to marathoners and it’s not a big deal except that it hurts like the dickens and I am a little worried about it coming off right before or during the race. If just talking about this is grossing you out, do NOT google “black toenail syndrome”! I hereby promise to not post any pictures grosser than this one.

Do you think it will help me to say “Remember when my toenail spontaneously healed before I ran the Marathon?” I will try anything.

4. One of the things I worked on with my coach Karen, is being brave enough to refine the direction of my business. The thing I am truly most passionate about is eating compassionately without harming animals. That has gotten lost in the shuffle of working with everyone no matter how they want to eat. So as I slowly re-align myself with my core values, I am looking for writing opportunities that fit better than some of the websites I have previously written for. Case in point The Vegan Woman! This website is truly head and shoulders above the rest, with fantastic writers and an extremely talented and organized editor. The amount of synchronicity that happened around this transpiring for me was truly stunning. Remind me to tell you about it one day.

My first article for them is up and it’s all about why some people lose tons of weight when they go vegan and others don’t. Why Did the Magical Vegan Weight Loss Skip Me? can be found HERE. Please visit, look around, participate, comment, re-post and re-tweet whatever you find useful. I greatly appreciate your support in this new endeavor! If there is any vegan topic you want me to cover over there, just let me know.

Oh, and if you are a happy omnivore with no interest in plant-based living, and you have been on the fence about working with me, do it NOW. I am not sure how much longer I will be working with people who are not in some way interested in vegetarianism or veganism.

“Remember when I started devoting my business to Plant-Based Nutrition and it was so wonderful and successful?”

I think I just said that out loud…

… and the fear is gone!