Inspiration | Triumph Wellness

The Plight of the Righteously Wronged Victim

May 12, 2013 by Emily Segal 2 Comments

Awhile back, I noticed a pattern that was occurring in my relationships – both personal and business. It would play out like this: I would connect with someone less than kind, pretend I didn’t notice their unkindness, then get all wounded and indignant when they did something mean to me.

The last time it happened, I was participating in a business coaching group and decided that since being all twisted up with this drama was reducing my productivity, it was on-topic for the group. The coach who was leading the group first identified that this was indeed a pattern for me. She asked me for several examples, which sadly I was able to give generously, going back years and years.

My coach pointed out, and I reiterate for my dear readers here, if something is a repeating pattern in your life, there is a good chance that you are doing something to attract this to you. Until you identify and clear it, it is likely to persist.

Then it went something like this:

Coach: So Emily, what are you getting out of this situation?

Me: Frustration, pain, sadness.

Coach: Could there be anything positive you are getting out of it?

Me: I guess it enables me to be distracted and procrastinate my work.

Coach: OK, maybe, but could there be something else? Who do you get to be when this happens to you?

Right away, without even thinking, these words came out of my mouth:

Me: The righteously wronged victim. I get to be the righteously wronged victim.

Coach: So how is it to be the righteously wronged victim?

Me: Well, I thought it was good. I liked being righteous and a victim. But now that I think about it, I HATE it! What a stupid thing to be! The people who “victimize” me just go on, unperturbed, happy with their lives, and I am the one sitting here, wasting time, stewing in my pain. Really, this is pretty much the dumbest and most unproductive thing I have ever done. Ding!

My coach warned the whole group that while being aware of the pattern we are attracting is the first step to changing it, we must completely disconnect from this old pattern. If we are attached to it even 1%, we will fall right back into it out of familiarity and comfort. I did NOT want that, so I committed 100% to divorcing myself from this pattern I have been practicing for about 40 years. Yes, 40 years. My parents are reading this and thinking it has taken me an awfully long time to figure out for myself what they were telling me all along.

Over the course of the next few weeks, several “tests” arose (as they often do when you have made an advancement in your growth). Thanks to this article on victim mentality, I was able to identify right away if I was entering righteous victim mode and immediately change course.

Guess what happened when I stopped engaging in this behavior pattern? Well, you would not believe it if I told you! For starters, all those drama mamas, they just vanished like smoke. Move along people, nothing to see here, no drama to feed on. Suddenly the people who were contacting me to book appointments were totally different than the people I had previously been working with! They are responsible for their own work, they have good boundaries, they are kind. And the other folks? Miraculously I watched as they removed themselves from my practice.

My personal relationships have mirrored what is happening with my business relationships. Do you have any idea how much more time and energy you have every day when you are not tangled up in massive efforts to defend your poor victim self and try to make everyone feel so, so sorry for you?

Now, everywhere I look, I see OTHER people playing the righteous victim role. Now that I can see what they are doing, I can choose to not play the game. All those online arguments, comment wars and facebook foibles? Done, gone, vanished, unfollowed, disconnected… Turns out that not having the last word in every argument to prove how you have been WRONGED-oh-woe-is-me! is quite liberating.

Recently for example, there have been protests about how women can pray at the Western Wall and groups and counter-groups have sprung up. When you read their editorials and replies back and forth, you see both sides saying “WE are the ones being wronged here! WE are the innocent victims of your group!” Both sides. Each claiming righteous victimhood. Everyone stuck and trapped and making no progress.

Look at almost any stale-mated argument (and yes, I can see the Middle East peace process through these eyes too) and you will see two sides both jockeying for righteous victimhood.

Being the righteous victim is a place of stagnancy and no forward progress. It sucks all the creativity and energy right out of us! Who the heck cares if you are so righteously wronged? Who WANTS to be the idiot who lets nasty people wipe their dirty feet all over the place?

The great news is that you don’t have to play along! Be a creator, not a victim. Again, more helpful details in this article HERE.

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Filed Under: coaching exercises, Growth, health coach, Inspiration, Positive Thinking Tagged With: Anti-Ick Techniques, creativity, Self-Improvement

Get Over Yourself

April 29, 2013 by Emily Segal 9 Comments

OK, so I have a little writer’s block. Writing is like any other discipline, when you get into a shvoong and do it everyday, it just pours out with ease and flow. When you get distracted and neglect the practice, you find that starting it up again has become like rolling that dadgum rock uphill.

So, what to do to get things flowing again? Write something shockingly personal and from the heart of course!

I want to write about something today that really is one of my deepest and darkest shames. And the reason I risk exposing myself like this, is because many of you share this particular shame and really, I am freaking sick of it already! We need to shine some light on this thing and sweep it the heck out.

Here’s the heart of it: I am often fearful of doing things because of how I look.

Backstory: The other day I was speaking to a friend about something that was holding her back from taking her next steps. She knows what she wants and needs to do next in life, but is held back, in part, because she has gained a couple of kilos and that makes her lack the confidence to get out there in front of people.

Gee, I have never heard that one before! And NONE of my clients ever say that. And I certainly have never felt like that myself!

You see, the truth is, that although I am proud of the weight I have lost and maintained, I am still not a thin woman. Every single time I meet a new client or teach a class, or show up to run a race, or introduce myself to new people and say what I do for a living, I imagine people are thinking:

“If she eats so healthy, why isn’t she skinnier?”

“Why should I take her advice? She weighs more than me!”

“She’s awfully large to be running this marathon!”

“I thought vegans are always thin?”

More often than I would like to admit, the fear of those thoughts makes me want to cancel the class, lie about what I do for a living, drop out of the race. Heck, sometimes I even think “I should just go work in a shoe store or something where I won’t be expected to have a certain body.” (No offense to shoe store workers!)

The underlying thread of this ridiculous internal monologue is the familiar old fear by the name of, “Who do I think I am?” Boy, do I hate that guy!

I know that many people have this same fear and it is not always related to weight and appearance. And I know that it DOES stop many of you from doing the things you know you want or need to be doing in life!

So how to get past it?

Well, I convene a Mind Monkey Summit where I invite these fears to the table and let them say their piece. The truth is, these thoughts and fears are trying to protect us from making fools of ourselves. I thank them for that, but then I tell them why it is important for me to proceed despite the danger.

As it happens to turn out, I have information to deliver that literally saves lives. It saves the lives of the people who learn from me as well as saving the lives of their kids and even grandkids! If I let my Ego get in the way of my delivering this information to the people who need it,well that is just a stupid, pitiful shame!

OK, worst case scenario – people really WILL say those things to me out loud, in public, in front of others – then what will happen? Well, I can tell you that they have said some of those things to me, and although painful and embarrassing, I didn’t die. I answered honestly, “You are right that I am not skinny, but I have lost a huge amount of weight and kept it off, reversed a deadly disease, healed an eating disorder, cured emotional eating and sugar addiction. I am still working on my weight and sometimes I still struggle with overeating. But if you think that my current weight is more important than my vast experience, I’d have to guess that you are looking for excuses not to have to make your own changes.”

OK, I don’t say that last sentence out loud but… yeah, pretty much.

While we should all work towards making ourselves the best we can be, we should not wait until we are PERFECT to get out there and deliver our gifts! If we hold back from living our purpose because we don’t think our bodies are the right size or shape, or we are not smart enough, or “Who-do-we-think-we-are” is running the show, we are depriving the world of receiving the work/words/message/gift we are here to share.

And because I know some of you are going to be thinking this, remember: Not knowing what your gift is, is not the same thing as not having one! Subject for a different post.

Now, get over yourself and go leave your mark.

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Filed Under: coaching exercises, Growth, health coach, Inspiration, Rants, weight loss

On Not Settling for just OK

March 17, 2013 by Emily Segal 2 Comments

As those of you who follow me on Facebook already know, I finished my last Half Marathon on Friday, in a race where sadly, one young man lost his life, and many others were hospitalized for heat related injuries. A few posts ago, I predicted people were going to get hurt if the forecast was correct and I described how we runners were being encouraged by local coaches to change our pre-race prep and our plans for the race to just run a relaxed pace, watching ourselves and those around us all the time, for signs of heat stroke. The race organizers postponed the full marathon to next week on a changed course off the main streets. They were unable to postpone all the races scheduled because of Obama’s visit to Israel next week. But moving the full marathon assured that no one would be out in the heat too long and enabled them to move all the other races up an hour. The first half marathon heat began at 5:45am. I was in the 6:00am group.

I ran the course from 6am – 8:40am and although the heat was rising quickly in the last hour or so, it was really not THAT hot. And I am someone who is totally sensitive to the heat! There were a couple of problems from my perspective: First of all, they ran out of electrolyte drink very early on. I’d actually love to know how many of the sickened were suffering from hyponatremia rather than dehydration. I had electrolytes in my pocket so I felt comfortable guzzling back large amounts of water. I also didn’t feel like there were enough water stations. Yes, they were every 2 kms, but they were manned by kids – hot and suffering volunteer kids – and there were times I had to actually stop running and ask to be poured a cup or two of water! Finally, we were promised sprayers with hoses and by my count there were only TWO. I could have used 50!! At every water stop, I took 4 cups: drank 3 and poured the 4th over my head. Oh yeah, and there was no food, or at least none by the time I rolled through. Again, I had my own supplies, but if I had been depending on what had been promised, I would have been in big trouble!

Despite these rather minor criticisms - and I know plenty of other runners who do not share my opinion or experience – I don’t think you can lay blame on anyone for the tragedies. I don’t know what happened to those people so how can I say? The man who died was apparently the epitome of fitness and health and nearly 20 years younger than me. How can you explain such a thing? I was running with 50-70 year olds and we were plodding along just fine. I did not see a single person weave, trip, or show any signs of distress where I was at the back of the pack. I was also, for the first time in my life, completely willing to take a DNF (did not finish) if I started to feel unwell.

As you can see from above, my finish time was 2:40 – a far cry from that 2:15 I had been training for!! But I must tell you that this is by far my proudest finish of all the races I have run! I am proud mainly because I got SO many emails and texts from people who said they ran on Friday because they had been inspired by me. I mean, does it get any better than that?! But I’m also proud because despite the string of very valid reasons to drop out of this race over the last few months, not only did I stick with it, but for the VERY FIRST TIME, spent the entire race thinking “I’m OK ! I can totally do this!” I wasn’t worried or wondering. I wasn’t gasping for air or feeling at all hopeless. Other than blisters and toenail trouble, I felt absolutely no pain! I was tired when I crossed the finish line, but I actually forgot to stop running for a minute until someone said “You can stop now.”

Lastly, I am proud because my husband went from non-runner to successful half marathoner who finished a few minutes before me. When I flew into his sweaty dazed arms in the finish corral, he said “I did it! YOU inspired me and I did this!”

shucks ya’ll

You know what I am going to miss the most by not competing in long-distance races anymore? Being an inspiration for people, yes, but I will endeavor to do that in different ways now. Yes, the high of accomplishment and the bragging rights too. But more than that, is the energy of a group of committed people who are out there pushing their physical limits because they want something MORE than the ordinary in life.

There were 35,000 people out there running on Friday. That is 35,000 people willing to put in the training, say no to months of desserts, get out of warm beds on cold days when everyone else is snoozing cozily on, run in rain, get splattered with mud, skip the late night drinks with friends, lose our toenails, (sacrifice our Achilles in the case of my training partner!), stay committed, stay on track. We all have our own reasons for being out there, but I believe we all share the desire for something more. Something greater.

I gave myself one day off. One. Then last night, I sat down with my calendar and my journal and mapped out my next goal. I hope I always have this desire to grow, to better myself, and to make the most of what G-d gave me. I hope I never settle for just OK.

I hope you won’t either. It doesn’t have to be running – it can be any area in which you choose to push the envelope and to stop accepting “good enough”. You will get a calendar, make a plan, check off your day by day goals, and before you know it, be standing at the pinnacle of your achievement, knowing that every single drop of blood, sweat and tears was worth it. Amen.

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Filed Under: Exercise, Goals, Growth, health coach, Inspiration, Positive Thinking, Running, Tel Aviv Half Marathon, Tel Aviv Marathon Tagged With: Achievement, Exercise, Goals, Nutrition for Athletic Performance, Running, Self-Improvement, Tel Aviv Marathon, Vegan Athlete

Leave Yourself Room to Grow

March 11, 2013 by Emily Segal 9 Comments

The first part of this post is going to be a running update but then I’ll be discussing something more universal and IMPORTANT. So hang with me for a minute even if you aren’t into the running stuff.

Here I am, 4 days from the half marathon that is the culmination of 22 weeks of dedicated training. Sadly, the weather report has predicted unseasonably high temps in the 90′s. The race has been pushed forward half an hour to try to reduce the inevitable weather related injuries that are going to occur and we runners are being urged to give up on our time goals, leave our Garmins at home, walk through all aid stations while drinking, take salt tabs, and focus on crossing the finish line NOT on a stretcher. This is more than a little disappointing to the thousands of us who have prepared so long for this day, but there’s nothing anyone can do about the weather.

But even before this weather news broke, I had come to a decision – This will be my last endurance sporting event. 10K’s yes, but longer than that, no. I have LOVED being an endurance athlete. I have adored the preparation, the step-by-step achievement of small goals and then larger ones, and every single lesson each training period and race has taught me. Many races have taught me about perseverance and the depth of my strength. Others have taught me humility. They have ALL taught me to trust in G-d that whatever I truly need is delivered right when I truly need it.

So why would I give it up? Well, the lesson this training period has taught me, is that sometimes, even when you love something, you need to move on.

Long-distance training aggravates a health issue I have. Simple as that. When I get above 35km/week I start suffering in ways that blacken and char every single aspect of my life. I am simply not willing to live this way anymore. I did my absolute best to ensure that this would not happen again this year: professional guidance, the very best nutrition and supplements, more rest, better training. But I still did not escape. One more long run on Friday, and then I’m done. It’s time to move on and find a new sports hobby I will love and that will love me back.

The important take-away here is that those of us who are on a committed path of self-improvement, MUST leave room for growth! And when we are working really hard on ourselves every day, growth can happen so rapidly, we must be prepared to quickly shed our skin OR we will be choked by self-sabotage and stuck in a too small space where our dreams and spirit wither and die.

Recently I realized that I had painted myself into a corner in several areas of my life. I tried to delicately extricate myself from these corners but unintentionally made a painful mess, splattering paint everywhere.

Watch those corners, stay awake to your intuition, and always leave yourself room to grow. Pay close attention to when something is starting to chafe. Even if it was your favorite sweater in the whole wide world, there comes a time when you will need to let it go.

It’s scary also because you cannot know what lies beyond. What if what you had really was the best you’ll ever get?

It’s not, darling. It can’t be. The world I choose to believe in has limitless possibilities. But you will only find the new and wonderful things, if you let go of the ones you are choking to death in your sweaty, fearful grasp.

Let The %$#@ Go.

My Tel Aviv Marathon 2013 Theme Song. Every single word of this = YES

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Filed Under: Goals, Growth, health coach, Inspiration, Love, Running, Tel Aviv Half Marathon Tagged With: Achievement, Anti-Ick Techniques, Goals, Tel Aviv Marathon

When A Loved One Won’t Change

February 14, 2013 by Emily Segal 1 Comment

Subtitle: ”Why Can’t You Do This For Me, for the kids, for yourSELF?!”

Here is the Mad Libs version:

Your _____________________

(spouse / partner / sister / father / best friend / child)

Needs to____________________

(lose weight / get his blood sugar down / get her cholesterol down / stop smoking / stop drinking / wear a seat belt)

Although he/she insists it has nothing to do with you, and that your nagging is only making things worse, you feel______________________

(betrayed / angry / worried / massively betrayed)

Sound familiar, anyone? I bet it does!

Today, instead of telling you what to do from my standpoint as a health practitioner, I want to share with you the other side of the coin.

I was your spouse. I was the one who was willfully disregarding my health and my family’s future all in the name of getting my next binge. I hope that if you can see things from your loved one’s perspective, you will be able to find some peace and clarity.

Several years ago I tried eating myself into oblivion while my husband was the one to be angry about my growing body and frustrated by my resistance to change. The more he pushed and threatened me, the more I ate and the fatter I became. I truly felt that it was MY business and had nothing to do with him. I seriously resented him making it his problem, even though somewhere in the dim recesses of my mind, I kinda-sorta understood how my health and weight ultimately WOULD impact his life and the lives of our children.

I was in Stage One: Pre-Contemplation (click that link to read the post I wrote about the 5 Stages of Change). I was only dimly aware that there was some sort of a problem but feeling like I was a victim of intolerable levels of stress with food as my only lifeline. I could no sooner have given up over-eating than I could have gone without oxygen.

You can read about what advanced me from Stage One to Stage Two HERE. Basically, I finally understood that my actions were causing my outcome, plain and simple. Change my actions and I’d change the outcome. But more than that, here was this man, Tony Robbins and he had done it himself. And all the thousands of people who followed him, they were taking this kind of action in their lives. I understood for the first time that it could be done and people were doing it. I could change my story and change the way my story would end.

So this is my message to you (and when I get around to publishing that post about overweight kids it will be the same message):

Shut Up and Walk Your Own Talk.

End of story.

People do not hear what you say as much as see what you do. Ghandi said “Be the change you want to see.” You – be the change. Model the behaviors you want others to adopt. SHOW don’t say. Work on Yourself. Be the best you can be. Be Inspiring. Make the people around you WANT to reach higher. Show people what is possible.

Married folks: I realize how painful it feels for you, that your partner is betraying the agreement you made when you got married. He/she is digging an early grave and will leave you holding the bag. But go back and read the stages of change. People who are not changing likely do not believe that it is in their power to do so. No amount of screaming and threatening is going to change that.

Those Stage Oners need hope and belief. They need to come to understand that they CAN reverse their problem. They need to move from helpless victim to artful designers of their own destiny.

Model it for them and then butt out.

P.S. I am not suggesting you stay with a partner bent on self-destruction. You may decide that you need to leave a relationship in order to take care of yourself. That is modeling healthy self-care as well.

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Filed Under: coaching exercises, Growth, health coach, Inspiration, Love, Positive Thinking, Rants Tagged With: Obesity, Overweight, Self-Improvement, weight loss

Mind Monkey Warning: T-minus 5 weeks

February 12, 2013 by Emily Segal 1 Comment

Sorry for the unintended blog break there! When you are in the health or fitness industry, January is a busy, busy month. In a major “be careful what you wish for” kinda way, I decided to up-level my business and was literally slammed with new inquiries! Hey, I’m not complaining!

Now I am settled in with a new crop of wonderful clients who, with my support and guidance, are well on the way to fulfilling their dreams and desires, yay! And I can get back to a more regular writing schedule.

So I am 5 weeks out from the Tel Aviv Half Marathon of 2013. What I want to write about today, is my struggle to increase my speed, set a personal record finish time, and the monkeys that are getting in my way. If you remember, I had decided that since I have already run this distance several times, I would work on my speed to keep things interesting. Turns out it’s much harder than I thought it would be!

This is a re-cap of my racing “career” for perspective:

2005: Westchester County Half Marathon ~ This was my first attempt at a long distance race and my goal was just to finish it no matter what. Finish time: 2:23:56

2006: Yonkers Half Marathon ~ I came into this race under-prepared and over-confident. The race itself was a nightmare of pain for me. Finish time: 2:35:39

2011: Tel Aviv Half Marathon ~A return to long distance running after several years off as I adjusted to life in a new country. My goal was just to finish. Finish time: 2:36:11

2012: Tel Aviv Full Marathon ~ Decided to double my distance and go for 42.2 kms in honor of my 45th birthday. My goal was to finish before the 6 hour cut off. Finish time: 5:44

2013: Tel Aviv Half Marathon Goal Finish Time 2:15.

The difference between my last two finish times in 2011 and 2006 and my goal for this year is about 21 minutes. Spread that 21 minutes out over 21 kms of running and it’s basically running one minute faster per kilometer.

THAT SOUNDS SO EASY!!!

What’s one minute faster? When I was in the planning stages I felt that was totally doable. Here in the trenches, I can tell you it feels like the fight of a lifetime for me!! When I am out there running and trying to maintain my desired race pace, I feel like I am pushing against a 40lb sled! And really, this is still a pretty slow pace for most people. The average half marathon pace for women is 2:12. That is a demoralizing thought.

There are very real issues that impact speed such as age and weight (both have increased over the years!) but truly I think I am up against a mental block. The bottom line is that it plain hurts to run faster! And it is scary. I feel like I could trip and sprawl more easily. I feel like my heart might explode or that I won’t be able to go the distance. And the biggie, behind almost every fear: What if I fail?

So that brings me back to the beginning of the post and the January influx of new people excited to start on a new path to health and fitness. At first, it’s exciting! It seems doable. We are pumped up to get started!

Then a few days pass, or weeks or months, and we get tired of watching our calories, planning and journaling our food. Surely we can skip the workout, just today. We look over a month of “work” and see that we have lost a tiny fraction of the weight we need to lose. It starts to feel impossible. And hard. And scary. Besides, our friends are giving us flack for not being able to eat out with them, and drink, and stay up late. They’re right, who wants to live such a strictly disciplined life anyway?

WARNING:

The fact is, we DO want to achieve something here! If we listen to all the monkey chatter about “I can’t”, “It’s too hard”, “It’s not that important anyway” we will never get what we want.

NEVER

The reason working with a health coach is so valuable, is because you have someone reminding you of this and calling you back when you start to party with the monkeys.

In lieu of personal health coaching, I give you Bruno Mars and some muppets to say what I would say to you. And what I say to myself every. single. day:

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Filed Under: coaching exercises, Exercise, Goals, Growth, health coach, Inspiration, Running, Tel Aviv Half Marathon Tagged With: Achievement, Anti-Ick Techniques, Exercise, February slump, Goals, goals forgotten by February, Running, Self-Improvement, Tel Aviv Marathon, weight loss

Redefine Hard

January 24, 2013 by Emily Segal Leave a Comment

On a typical morning, I wake up, walk the dog, feed everyone breakfast, pack lunches, and get the kids off to school. Then I put on my running clothes…

…and spend the next 30 – 60 minutes whining to my husband about why I do not want to go running!

My husband, observing this phenomenon in me for years, and now experiencing it for himself while training for his first Half Marathon, has sagely noted:

The training is not the hard part. Getting out the door to DO the training is what is really hard!

Often when a client first comes to see me for weight loss or diet change, he or she holds the belief that “Weight Loss is Hard”. This belief has probably formed during past attempts where it either felt hard to diet or to maintain the weight lost.

Now imagine for a minute how much motivation and excitement to get started you feel when you think “Weight Loss is Hard.”

Ugh, not very much, right?

So we re-frame the belief that “weight loss is hard” by listing all the things about being overweight and food addicted that are hard:

Finding clothes to wear that you feel good in each day
Clothes shopping (nothing you want looks good on you)
Being without food for several hours (start to get crave-y and hypoglyecmic)
Having heartburn
Having a stomach ache
Taking medications for diet-caused illnesses
Being out of breath
Feeling insecure or even ashamed
Walking in to a room and assessing if you are the biggest person there
Being tired
Feeling depressed
Worrying about your own health
Worrying about passing these food problems on to your kids

I know that not every overweight person feels these things. These are things my clients say or things I experienced myself when I was overweight.

When we re-frame the question “What is Hard?” we can now see that being overweight and food addicted is really pretty hard! Look at that list! Is it just possible that, in comparison, sticking to a healthy food plan might not be so hard after all?

As for we exercisers, what is the re-frame we do to get us out that door? Personally, I think about the things that would be hard in my life if I did NOT workout:

feeling depressed
achy muscles
low energy
muddy thinking
flabby legs
being out of breath
setting a poor example for my kids
and the one that gets me most right now, 8 weeks from my race day: failing and/or suffering in front of thousands of people.

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It’s all in the re-frame!

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Filed Under: coaching exercises, Exercise, Goals, Growth, health coach, Inspiration, Positive Thinking, Running, weight loss Tagged With: Achievement, Dieting vs Lifestyle, Exercise, Goals, Obesity, Overweight, Running, Self-Improvement, Sugar Addiction, weight loss

Nine Questions That Changed My Life

January 8, 2013 by Emily Segal 3 Comments

What readers familiar with my story may remember, is the tipping point I reached in order to turn my back on unhealthy eating, living, and the overweight that came as a result, was a Tony Robbins book. As you can read in this post HERE, I had stumbled upon the book quite by accident, opened to a page most randomly, became captivated by a writing exercise within it, and basically changed the course of my life on the very spot.

The kicker is that I left the book on the desk in the library, not even checking it out or reading any farther than that one exercise in the middle of the book!

Now, I am not one to believe in accidents of fate. I know I was guided to the info I needed the moment I was ready for it. Once the message had been delivered and received, I guess I had no need of the actual messenger.

To tell you the truth I actually began to wonder if that entire day hadn’t been some sort of dream? I mean, if the book had been that important, how could I not remember what it was?

Recently however, as I faced a similar challenge in my life, I began wondering about the magic of that day. If I found the book and re-did the exercise, could I get as wonderful a result as I did that day back in 2001? I decided I would find the book and try! Unfortunately for me, Tony has been prolific with his writing and it was seemingly impossible for me to choose THE BOOK from the dozens he has written.

So, doing as I had on that fateful day, I went “eeny-meeny” and asked a power greater than myself to guide me to “miney-mo”.

I found it on the very first try.

(Skeptics among you are certain my subconscious remembered the title or the cover even though I didn’t think I had. That’s fine too).

And now, with the book in my possession, I understand that the entire lengthy and jam-packed tome is a life changer. No wonder this guy is famous! Wow!

The exercise that launched me on an altered course is tucked right in the middle of all this amazing content. Although it is not exactly as I had remembered it, it’s still powerful and profound. I have been sharing it with my clients, but today wanted to share it with all of you as a New Year’s present.

This is not an exercise to be read passively. You must take out pen and paper and write, write, write! What better way to begin a new year than with some soul searching? So get your writing tools and I will wait here until you get back…

color-bars

You’re back? OK, the actual exercise is an entire chapter of the book, so here I am going to paraphrase a bit. Basically, the set up is to spend some time imagining what you would do in life if you knew you couldn’t fail. Then, after you have fantasized a bit, with that wide open, happy, frame of mind, answer the following questions. Write freely without thought to grammar or spelling. Do not edit yourself with “oh, I could never do THAT!” or anything resembling limits or “realistic thinking”. You will get to that later, I promise.

(Whatever I put in quotes is directly from the book. Unquoted sections are me paraphrasing).

1. “Start by making an inventory of your dreams, the things you want to have, do, be and share. Create the people, feelings, and places you want to be a part of your life,” how you want to look, feel, dress, the things and people you have in your life, your surroundings, smell it, see it , feel it all … “write for a minimum of 10 minutes.”

2. ”Go over the list you made, estimating for each goal, when you expect to reach those outcomes: six months, one year, two years, five years, ten years, twenty years.”

3. ”Now, pick out the four most important goals for you this year.” For each one “write down why you absolutely will achieve them… and WHY it is important that you do.” (emily: I would actually use the word “necessary”, rather than “important” as it has much more power attached to it).

4. Review your 4 goals: ”Are they stated in the positive?” Can you see the achievement of the goal in your mind? Can you feel what it feels like, what you see, hear and smell when you achieve this goal? Are they goals that are attainable by you and not dependent on the actions of someone else? ”If they violate any of these conditions, change them to fit.”

5. ”Make a list of the important resources you already have at your disposal to help you achieve each goal: character traits, friends, financial resources, education, time, energy, etc.”

6. Recall and write down three to fives times in your life when you used those same traits successfully to accomplish some other goal. ”Describe what you did that made you succeed, what qualities or resources you made effective use of, and what about the situation made you feel successful.”

7. “Describe the kind of person you would have to be to attain your goals..” ie: a great disciplinarian, free thinker, time manager, brave, bold person with magnetism and great impact, etc etc.?

8. (emily: HEADS UP: This is THE question on which my entire world reversed it’s spin!) ”In a few paragraphs, write down what prevents you from having the things you desire right now. Dissect your personality and see what’s holding you back from achieving what you want.” (emily: I could have sworn Tony asked the next part, but it’s not here, so I will ask the thing that landed this whole exercise for me: Is it worth it? Is what you are doing now that is keeping you from achieving your goal, worth living without this thing you want so badly? Yeah, I didn’t think so either.)

9. ”Take the time now to take each of your four key goals and create your first draft of a step-by-step plan on how to achieve it. Remember to start with the goal and ask what would I have to do first to accomplish this or what prevents me from having this now and what can I do to change this. Make sure your plans include something you could do TODAY.”

Those are the main steps of Tony’s “Ultimate Success Formula”. He goes on with a few more advanced steps:

10. Come up with models – people who have already achieved what you want to achieve and copy what they do, how they think and what they say.

11. Set up your ideal day, hour by hour, as the person who accomplishes these goals of yours.

12. Brainstorm your ideal environment – home and office.

13. Write a gratitude list expressing how grateful you are for all that you already have in your life.

So, that’ll keep you busy for awhile. I really hope you do the exercise and that it brings the kind of magic to your life that it has to mine. As always, know that I am here as a coach to help you through those questions if you are stuck. Turning your goals into your reality is what I do for a living, woohoo!

Again, you can read how I answered the questions originally 12 years ago HERE. As for how I answered them this time around? Too tender to share quite yet, but it goes something like this:

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The above questions have been excerpted from Unlimited Power by Anthony Robbins, pages 202-215.

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Filed Under: coaching exercises, Goals, Growth, health coach, Inspiration, Positive Thinking, Recommendations Tagged With: Achievement, creativity, entrepreneurship, Goals, Self-Improvement

T-minus 10: How to Run a Different Race

January 6, 2013 by Emily Segal 4 Comments

Remember how last year while training for my first marathon, I latched on to Kelli Clarkson’s song, What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger?

Well, this year there’s a new sheriff in town and she says:

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So, I am in my 12th week of training with 10 weeks to go until race day. As you know, I also made the conscious decision to have a different experience with running and racing this year. To accomplish that, I changed my training plan and I changed my training fuel. I don’t even feel like the same person right now, so I think it is working!

This year I am training with a personalized version of Hal Higdon’s Intermediate runner program. The biggest change in this plan has been the kind of speed-work the plan entails. Instead of just running intervals on speed days (short sprints or “fartleks”), this plan uses Tempo Runs. Tempo Training is a gradual process of training your body to be able to sustain a faster speed for longer periods of time, rather than explosive sprints which never helped me get any faster. You can read more about Tempo Training HERE.

(Incidentally, for those who didn’t see when I posted it on Facebook, the link above led me to this fascinating video on how to blow the perfect Snot Rocket while running. For that bit of edification, click HERE. Good stuff.)

Since incorporating Tempo Training I have actually seen my pace slowly improve. It took awhile for me to see any differences but I was persistent and this week I really turned a corner and cut off some serious time at the 5K distance.

Not only has my performance improved, but the shape of my body is changing as well. In the past, I tended to grow some pretty big quadriceps muscles when training for these distances events. This year has literally been a pain in the @ss with most of my new muscle growth in my hamstrings and butt. Why the difference? I have been ATTACKING hills this year. I used to kind of avoid them and we all say how Tel Aviv is a flat course. But it’s not really flat – ask anyone who has run it! There are some looooooong slow inclines that are killer and what about those two crazy hills on HaYarkon at the end?! (If you are thinking “what hills” imagine turning south on HaYarkon from Nordau. Oh yeah, that hill. Oh and what is this on the other side of the tunnel coming up to the Sheraton? It’s a nasty friggin hill at the very end of the race, baby).

Another thing I have changed this year is my nutrition. Back in November I committed to an Eat to Live challenge over on Dr Furhman’s website. I had a kind of wobbly start with being totally compliant, but once I got going, weight started coming down and energy started coming up. Becoming a Nutritarian is changing not only my physical shape, but my mental approach to how and why I feed myself, and undoubtedly it will change the way I coach others as well. I’m sure I will be writing much more about this.

It is crystal clear to me that on the days I eat to meet my nutritional needs and no more, I have great workouts, and days when I eat (or drink) for entertainment, distraction, or mere habit, my body gives me sub-par performance. I didn’t even realize I was getting sub-par performance before upgrading my nutrition! I thought I was doing pretty well. But yo-ho, there is a whole other level up here!!! And I don’t want sub-par anymore and not just in terms of running and working out.

So that expression about doing what you’ve always done and getting what you’ve always got? Completely true.

Luckily, the opposite is true as well.

Training song of the week, Vertigo by U2. This song is like a brick on my gas pedal!

Filed Under: Exercise, Goals, Growth, Inspiration, Running, vegan, vegan challenge, weight loss Tagged With: Achievement, Exercise, Goals, Nutrition for Athletic Performance, Running, Self-Improvement, Vegan Athlete, vegan diet benefits, weight loss

Guest Post: Confessions of a Newbie Vegan

December 13, 2012 by Emily Segal 2 Comments

Our guest writer today, Fred Schlomka, is the husband of a dear friend of mine. I asked Fred to share his story with my readers and he generously does so very honestly below.

Now, I know that for some of you, the fact that Fred identifies as a vegan but is willing to eat a few non-vegan items or push pieces of meat off the top of a dish and still eat it, is problematic. If that troubles you, don’t read this post. If on the other hand, you can focus on the changes this man has made, the impact those changes have had, and allow that we each walk our own path, then I think you will really be inspired by Fred’s story.

* * * *

It’s really not that hard to be vegan. People are always asking me “How did you do it?” or gasping “What? No milk or meat products?! What on earth do you eat?”

Well, here’s my secret: There isn’t one!

Most people know whether they are living a healthy lifestyle or not. Some of us have metabolisms and psychologies that enable a life of moderation and balance. I believe that most foods in moderation do not harm us, and that includes milk and meat products. However most of us in the ‘Developed World’ learn various types of addictions at an early age, sugar, milk and meat tend to be the worst culprits. From our earliest years these products are shovelled into our bodies in quantities far exceeding our nutritional requirements. Our bodies then become dependent on them, and subsequently prone to all kinds of cardiovascular problems and exotic cancers. Our parents, schools, communities, corporations and governments all work together to reinforce the idea that these foods are needed in huge quantities.

Thus we become addicted, except the people I mentioned earlier who seem to float through life unaffected by all the food indoctrination. They remain gloriously healthy.

There was no real decision point for me to alter my eating habits. It was more like a continuum of knowledge easing me towards a healthier lifestyle. My daughter Maya was an inspiration. She has been vegetarian since she was twelve years old, and during the summer of 2011 stopped eating milk products as well. She never proselytized to my wife or myself, but our kitchen was always a reflection of our daughter’s culinary needs.

Meat was never a big factor in our diet. At home we used to have meat once or twice a week and I would eat the occasional shwarma or steak at restaurants. However I did like slabs of bread and butter, and snack foods such as chips, chocolate, ice cream etc., which, as I passed through my 50′s, started adding to my girth. It was becoming a problem. After a blood test last year, my doctor wanted to put me on drugs to reduce my cholesterol, and giving me red flag warnings about heart disease and cancer. I have also been an on-again/off-again smoker for most of my life.

So in early 2012 I started mulling over what to do. I think my wife’s comments on my emerging breasts had something to do with it. Then my daughter suggested I take a look at a video, Forks over Knives. If anything tipped my decision it was that movie, plus some research it prompted me to do. My reasons are for health alone. I have no ethical problem with the eating of animals or their products, although I am pleased to now be on the side of more ecologically sane eating.

Like most people I have a mild addictive personality so I knew that ‘going on a diet’ would not solve my health issues. Diets are by definition short-lived, so I have chosen a lifestyle change which includes new and permanent eating patterns. Most people have addictive personalities to a greater or lesser degree. This is possibly why most diets do not last. If you bristle at the idea that you are some kind of addict, then I challenge you to give up sugar for the next 60 days – zero sugar – none. This means no sugar in hot drinks, no fizzy soft drinks, no ice cream, cakes, etc etc.

I made a decision to remove from my eating plan any meat, dairy, sugar, bread, and processed foods. I am not fanatical about it. Just last night I had a little slice of birthday cake at a dinner party. So sugar and the like become occasional treats, not daily fare. Sometimes I visit my Bedouin friends who might serve Makluba for lunch, a delicious dish of chicken and goat meat cooked together with rice and vegetables. It arrives at the table on a huge platter. I just move aside the meat and help myself to the rice and veggies. A little meat flavour does not bother me.

During the first six week after beginning my modified eating plan, I dropped from 76 kilos to 69 kilos. That was ten months ago. Since then I have fluctuated between 67 and 70 kilos. I believe my healthiest weigh should be around 64-65 kilos so am working on reducing my “healthy” snacks which tend to include a lot of nuts. Now when I am on the road I take fruit or nuts with me, or snack on falafel. Just about any falafel shop will provide a bag of falafel or a platter of falafel and salads without the pita. But I need to still cut down on the nuts.

Of course real health comes from a combination of proper eating and exercise. I practice karate 2-3 times a week and visit my personal trainer at the gym once a week, plus more sporadic working out at home, a little biking (which I want to increase), and lots of walking. I recently had a full blood workup and my doctor informed me that everything was 100%. No one was more surprised than he was! “I wish all my patients were like you.” he admitted.

Oh, did I mention I stopped smoking several months ago? Now, as I approach the end of my first year as a vegan, I believe I am doing everything possible to improve my health and extend my life as much as possible. It really hasn’t been that hard. The American Philosopher John C. Lilly once wrote ”What one believes to be true either is true or becomes true within the limits of the mind. Those limits are beliefs to be transcended.” Once upon a time I believed I was a meat-eating smoker, and I was. Over a period of time I came to believe I was a non-smoking vegan – so I became one. No trauma. No cravings. We all have within ourselves the capacity to change, but for change to come successfully, we have to first imagine a new status, a new way of being and relating to the world. This creates a window of opportunity for change. I stepped through the window and haven’t looked back.

Fred & Cindy_cropped When he is not eating well or practicing karate, Fred manages Green Olive Tours, an “alternative” tour company. He spends a great deal of time driving around the country, introducing foreign visitors to the culture, social mores, religions, and politics of the region.